The 5 Best Things About Being In A Dry Spell
So, I’m in between one-night stands right now, experiencing what is commonly known as “a dry spell.” (I’m being self-deprecating here, LOL!) Honestly, aside from the inexplicable arousal I feel when watching “The Bachelorette” or seeing Russell Brand on the cover of Rolling Stone, it’s not so bad! Now that I am not having sex — and not really even thinking about having sex — I have so much free time! There’s a lot of perks about the ol’ kitty cat going into an abbreviated hibernation — let’s face it, as a Scorpio, I am not going to let too much dust gather in the cellar, if you know what I mean. So, while I’m temporarily celibate and no one is gettin’ near my ladyflower, I’m taking time to smell the roses. Here are the 5 best things about being in a dry spell. 1. Time To Read: It’s not that I don’t read when I’m in a relationship or hooking up with someone. I just don’t read as often or for long stretches. See, I tend to get my reading in A) during my commute and B) before bed at night. Reading before bed doesn’t happen as much when you’re in a relationship and have to deal with the whiny bitch next to you in bed complaining about the light still being on at 1 a.m. And if you’re just hooking up with someone and it’s basically all about the boning, you’re definitely not interested in finishing chapter 14 of Memoirs of a Geisha if homeboy is offering to go down on you. But when you’re not gettin’ any action? So much time to turn the pages of a great novel! I read all three Stieg Larsson books this month! Those things are long, yo.
2. You Can’t Get Knocked Up: Story time! Last night, I went to go pick up my birth control pills from my local Duane Reade. (Duane Reade, for those of you not in NYC, is our omnipresent drug store chain, whose customer service is widely regarded as “sucking balls.”) Now, when I went in to fill my prescription originally, I knew I was out of refills, but the pharmacist assured me — and by that I mean she grunted and nodded when I asked for clarification — that she would call my gyno and confirm she was cool to refill. (Side note: Why does my gyno only give me six-month prescriptions anyway? I am 30 years old; I have had clean pap smears for years. Why do I have to call for a new prescription every six months for the medication I have been taking since I was 20? It’s a pain in the ass.) So, truth time. I was supposed to take my first pill in the pack on Sunday. It is now Wednesday morning. Whatevs, I was planning on doubling up last night and then again tonight and I’d be kosher. Too bad my prescription wasn’t waiting for me. I have no idea why — probably because the pharmacist never called my gyno or they did and the gyno never called back — but the point of this long story is that I am now off the pill, at least for the next month, until I start a new pack after my next period. This would suck a lot if I was in a relationship and was forced to use condoms for the next two months. But I’m not! Who cares if I’m off the pill for a month? There are no swimming spermies to stop anyway! And besides, I am pretty sure the pill was messin’ up my game. Hormones, run free!
3. Perfecting Your Self-Love Technique: This doesn’t apply to me, as my technique — i.e., Mr. Hitachi — is perfect. However, a dry spell is an excellent time to remember to love yourself, on the regular. The fact is many women have a hard time orgasming from regular P-in-V sex anyway (some have trouble during oral too), so when you’re single and not gettin’ any action from a partner, you have plenty of time and desire to give yourself some.
4. Focusing On Friendship: I’ll be honest: I can be a complete emotional mess when my mind and body are distracted by men, regardless of whether things are going well or they’re not. I hate to say it, but during relationship good times and bad, I tend to retreat from my friendships — either because I am blissfully happy and am absorbed with getting to know this new person, or because I’m stewing and driving myself crazy over where things are going. I recognize that the latter, especially, isn’t so healthy. While I’m flying solo — both in the bedroom and in general — I’m reminding myself of what wonderful relationships I do have with my friends, which last through boyfriend after boyfriend, one-night-stand after one-night-stand. I’m also spending a lot of my evenings going out with women who I really like but haven’t gotten to know that well yet.
5. Cotton Briefs FTW: Look, I’m not really a matching lace bra and panties type of gal anyway, but when I’m having sex regularly, I usually will pick out my undergarments from the “not stained” and “vaguely cute” drawer. The same cannot be said for the panties I am wearing right now. What can I say? I haven’t washed my good delicates in weeks!
Whether you’re in a dry spell now or have been in the past, what did you consider the best things about taking a sex break?