Tabloid Cheat Sheet: ScarJo And Ryan Are Adopting? Ali Fedotowsky Got Fat?

This week, I had the pleasure of interacting with actual tabloid reporters at an MTV red carpet event. And they were kind of just like me, but more shrewd in the questions they asked. And more persistent in their asking. I watched one guy silently mouthing his questions while another one made sure she was in a better spot than a lesser news source. I was just happy to be there. And trying not to admit that I have read every tabloid, every week, for over a year. But I get it now: tabloids are like fanfic of famous people! And I’m like the mean forum manager who only posts the fanfic that I like. Enjoy your weekly dose of make-believe, my darlings!

  • There’s more buzz in tabloid town about Prince William and Kate Middleton’s wedding, despite the fact that they haven’t announced it yet. Apparently, though, they plan on having it next summer, on the 30th anniversary of Prince Charles and Princess Diana’s wedding, since Diana “talked about what she wanted her sons’ weddings to be like even when she was pregnant with them….she often said her wedding was one of the best days of her life,” according to an insider. William and Kate’s wedding ceremony will take place at St. Paul’s Cathedral in London, followed by a reception at Buckingham Palace. Insiders say that the couple’s first dance will be to Diana’s favorite song, “A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square” by Eric Maschwitz and Manning Sherwin.
  • Angelina Jolie’s 35th birthday apparently ended in tears after Brad Pitt bailed the day before, allegedly drinking beer in the back of a chauffeur-driven SUV, as it wandered the streets of L.A. A source says, “There was some speculation that he was hoping to see Jennifer Aniston.” Which seems weird. Instead, Angie got pissed that she didn’t know where he was and canceled her birthday celebration for June 4th, which included taking the kids to see “Sesame Street Live” at the Nokia Theatre and then going out for a romantic night with Brad. Angie allegedly “hates that they live near Jen, she feels like it creates bad energy in their relationship and, although she would never admit it, she feels threatened to have Brad so close to his ex-wife.” Angie wants to live in New York or France and Brad wants to settle in L.A., but a source says she told Brad if that happens, it could endanger their relationship.
  • Cameron Diaz said recently, in an interview, that the secret to her beauty is “exercise, healthy diet, lots of water, lots of laughter, lots of sex. Yes, sex, we need that as human beings. It’s healthy, it’s natural.” And apparently she’s been getting that “lots of sex” from A-Rod. When asked if she was in love, though, Cameron said “You know what? Yes, I am. I’m in love with life.” Which is just as cagey as their meetings lately. While dining at New York’s Serafina restaurant (where A-Rod sometimes took Kate Hudson), they sat in the back, away from photographers and left separately, while A-Rod and Kate used to sit up front. [OK!]

  • Ugh, I’m so sick of Kendra Wilkinson pretending that she’s having a “sex tape nightmare.” Nobody cares and no one’s surprised. Kendra told Us Weekly, “I’m angry. I’m mad. I’m sad. I’m a very open person when it comes to talking about my crazy days, but when it comes to intimate moments, having a sex tape is the most embarrassing thing ever.” The 25-year-old’s memoir Sliding Into Home comes out on July 6th, but for now (and every week) she’s in the tabloid. At least this week they also interviewed her husband, Hank Baskett, about the sex tape, and he said, “You don’t just rent a husband or wife for the good times, it’s for better or worse… I will always have her back. I’ll be there for her no matter what.” He also says no one in his family was upset or disappointed at all, presumably because they aren’t surprised either.
  • Ali Fedotowsky is on a crash diet to lose the 15 pounds she gained while filming “The Bachelorette.” The diet includes egg whites, calorie counting, and daily running. A friend says she’s a size 6 and “not meant to be super tiny” but “it’s been stressful watching herself on camera.” She had to keep eating and drinking while they re-taped dinner scenes and found comfort in food. Her “buddy” also says Ali binged when she went home and when told her that a size medium shirt was too tight. Jeez, I wonder what Ali’s enemies would say, if that’s her friend talking?
  • Longtime besties Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow apparently aren’t talking, an insider says “They don’t speak. I can’t tell you exactly why they had a falling out, but Gwyneth can be jealous and competitive.” And now that Madonna divorced Guy Ritchie (Gwyn was Madonna’s maid of honor), they have “less in common.” Both women have broken up with friends in the past, and Gwyneth told British Vogue last month, “I’m having a situation right now with a friend where I’m feeling pretty angry.” Sounds like she needs to put some goop on that. [Us Weekly]

  • I’m not sure why, but the National Enquirer is making a big deal about Sandra Bullock having two half-sisters that she “hid from the world” and “never publicly acknowledged.” The women are in their 60s and were products of Bullock’s father’s first marriage to now 93-year-old Rita Harrison Bullock. The tabloid tracked down the sisters, Katherine and Nancy, who say they were proud of Sandra’s Oscar win and new baby and “saddened by the turn her relationship with Jesse has taken.” The sisters were apparently not expecting the tabloid and acknowledged that they’ve met Sandra, and their family relationships is a “private family matter.” A neighbor says, “The fact that Sandy’s kept secret these two siblings from her fans is truly surprising and astonishing.” Is it? Sandra had only met Rita, Katherine, and Nancy once. I guess it’s a slow news day?
  • Andy Dick is not doing so well. Last week he was kicked out of a play after running in drunk telling people, “I’m a celebrity! I don’t buy tickets!” and asking, “Did it start yet?” The director told him, “Come back when you’re sober.” Earlier in the night, Andy french-kissed a female patron at Hamburger Mary’s in West Hollywood, before begging customers to pick up his check when his credit card was declined and then peeing on the sidewalk. The tabloid says that Andy is currently “living in a backyard shed next to a house shared by his ex-wife, his girlfriend and his kids.” Which would sound like an amazing reality show, if it weren’t so tragic.
  • A gay escort and former porn star named Bruce Headrick is pimping his unpublished book, “Tell Secrets, Tell No Lies,” detailing his days as a “gay hustler to the stars.” And one of the tales is all about Richard Simmons. He says the fitness guru once said, “Shhh! We’ll have to be quiet. My mother’s asleep upstairs.” Shudder. Headrick says that he met with Richard five or six times, and says, “his house had these white marble floors and these Dalmatians were following him around. It was surreal. We went into his huge all-white bedroom and I got totally nude… He was a lovely guy, but not particularly attractive. He was sort of homely with a pot belly and only an average body.” Richard apparently gave the escort a full body massage and told him, “I smell smoke on you…the next time I see you, I want you to tell me that you quit.” Headrick says, “That’s one thing I’ll always remember about Richard. We were pretty much strangers, but he was looking out for my health.” And isn’t that what he’s done for all of us? [The National Enquirer]

  • People talked about Sandra Bullock’s “happy new life,” detailing her triumphant return at the MTV Awards, which was her first televised appearance since the Oscars. The new mom joked self-deprecatingly about how her Generation award is typically given to “old people” and randomly kissed Scarlett Johansson on stage. She’s currently caring for her new son Louis and staying at her homes in Austin and New Orleans. A Jesse James insider says, “I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t set up houses close to hers, wherever she decides to spend time, so they can set up schedules that keep the kids’ needs first.” But as of now, Jesse is selling his $6.75 million Orange County beachfront home to find a “more private location” nearby.
  • Tori Spelling has a new book, Uncharted TerriTORI (guh), and talks about her marriage issues, reuniting with her mom, and health issues like Swine Flu, which she says is what caused her recent weight loss. While all the tabloids were saying Tori had an eating disorder, Tori says she was doing three rounds of antibiotics for Sine Flu but didn’t want anyone to know and she had terrible stomach pains that made it hard to eat. She was 97 pounds at the time and is now 101 pounds, but hoping to gain another 14. Tori says she’s worried that her husband Dean might cheat on her, even though he’s never been “anything but devoted.” She also seems pissed that while she’s a workaholic, Dean’s been running off on motorcycles. Of her reunion with her mother, Tori remembers Candy saying “I really love you. I hope you know that. Tonight was really special for me.” And alluva sudden, I’m crying. Jeez.
  • Bradley Cooper answered People’s 10 Questions, and for starters, you should probably know that the guy wears a size 14 shoe. Ahem. For his upcoming role in “The A-Team,” Cooper got super buff and says he thought his head was Photoshopped on someone else’s body when he first saw himself. Two weeks after they finished shooting, he was back to normal but remembers, “Before that, I spent much longer brushing my teeth [to look at myself in the mirror].” On reading about his life in tabloids, Cooper says, “At first it was shocking how untrue everything was. Dates with women I’ve never had, houses I’ve never owned in areas I could never afford. I was one of those people who believed what they read [in supermarket tabloids], except for the aliens and stuff.” The actor also says he doesn’t have to explain his life to his parents: “My mom reads all about it on the Internet!” [People]

  • Star says that Jen and Brad haven’t just been thinking about seeing each other again, they actually did! An insider says, “Now that they’re back in the same city again, Brad and Jen have been emailing and texting each other” and actually met at Brad’s Plan B Entertainment offices “to talk about film projects,” but “they both knew it was going to be more than that.” The insider says, “When she got to his offices and saw him walking toward her, she said, it took her breath away and she was overwhelmed with emotion— but she held it together.” They allegedly talked all about their lives, leaving Angelina out, and Jen invited Brad to her place to “have some margaritas and check out everything she’s done to remodel it,” since Brad’s obsessed with architecture. The insider says that Angie worries that Brad will decide he made a mistake, but Jen will always be in his life, “they have a unique bond that he can’t just cut off. She’s a part of him, and he often misses her laughter, warmth and energy.”
  • It seems that Britney Spears’ man Jason Trawick might be carrying on an affair with actress and author Jessica Steindorff. A pal says, “Jason has been cheating on Britney with Jessica from the beginning of their relationship! He has deceived Britney with his lies for too long, and somebody needs to tell her the truth.” Jessica declined to comment on the accusations, but Star says they’ve been seeing each other since Jessica became Jason’s personal assistant at William Morris talent agency, while Jason was with actress Rachael Taylor. Jessica quit the job when she realized she was in love with Jason. Jason is apparently a commitment-phobe who distances himself from Britney as she gets increasingly clingy, wants to watch “The Notebook” three times in a row and calls/texts him hundreds of times when he leaves. Star also inexplicably got emails between Jessica and Jason, detailing an STD scare that turned out to be an ingrown hair. Ew.
  • Somehow, Star managed to get a photo of Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds together! Which I think has only happened one other time, even though they’ve been married since 2008. The two recently bought a farmhouse in Louisiana and are thinking about adopting a baby from either Ethiopia or Ghana. The couple bonded when they worked on the RED campaign in Rwanda in 2008, and an insider says, “Scarlett has always wanted to adopt from outside the U.S., she feels now is finally the right time. They put their $4.5 million L.A. home up for sale to live at their $2 million NYC penthouse and new country home because Scarlett “never really liked L.A.” and thinks Manhattan’s a better place to raise a kid for the parks and schools. Ryan’s older brother was adopted, so he’s psyched. The insider adds that this “has made her fall for him all over again. It’s an exciting time for them!” [Star]