• Relationships

Dear Wendy: “How Can I Ask For A Threesome?”

I’m in a wonderful relationship with a great man that I plan on marrying one day. I’m 20 and he’s 26, but it’s not our age difference that’s the problem. You see, I have this fantasy of being with more than one guy at once. I’m not a whore, slut, hooch or any of that business. It just turns me on to be treated like a sex toy. The only issue is I have no idea how to bring it up with my boyfriend, whom I’m madly in love with, and I’m not sure how he would react. It’s not that he’s not enough for me; I think he’s absolutely amazing in bed. I’m just super curious and would like to try once. How would you advise I bring this up with him? — Curious

In the great scheme of sexual fantasies, yours isn’t all that shocking, especially when you consider how common the two-women-one-man threesome is for straight guys. Chances are your boyfriend is one of the millions of men who fantasizes about being with two women at once, so you can use that as leverage or a bargaining tool if you’d be willing to give him your blessing to explore that fantasy (either with you or without you). If you aren’t into that idea, you can still broach the topic with him — you’ll never know how your boyfriend might feel about such a fantasy if you don’t ask him — but be prepared to hear a reply you don’t want. If you open the proverbial can of worms, you’ve got to be ready for whatever crawls out.

The next time you two are getting frisky together, tell him you’d love to hear about what sort of sexual fantasies he might have. You can come right out and ask, “Have you ever fantasized about being with two women at once?” with a sexy, knowing smile. If he replies in the affirmative, tell him you’ve fantasized about being with two men, and then suggest helping each other fulfill those fantasies (assuming you’re willing). Maybe he’ll balk at the idea; maybe he’ll be excited; maybe he’ll wish you’d kept your secret to yourself. But it’s not wrong to have fantasies, and if you can’t be open with the guy you’re “madly in love with” without fear of being judged or offending him, it’s better you learn that now than when you’ve already married him.

I’ve been dating a guy for two turbulent years. Earlier in our relationship, after we took a one-month break and got back together, he cheated on me with one of his coworkers. Without the details, this may sound like a relationship that should have died a long time ago, but I truly and deeply love this boy and we are working on getting past this, including moving together (but living separately) to a whole new city. As we work on re-building trust, one of the issues I’m having is how he seems to hide our relationship on Facebook. During our break, we “unfriended” each other, and he ultimately deleted his account. Recently, his job gave him a task which involves researching people on Facebook, requiring him to reactivate his account. I obviously asked him to be my friend but he replied “not until the new privacy settings kick in.” Now, I understand the importance of privacy settings, but I feel like this is just him trying to cover up his tracks. We never have been linked to each other in a relationship on Facebook (which is okay, but I wholeheartedly believe it would have prevented his coworker from ever pursuing him), and I’m not even asking that much of him now — just to be his friend. What can I do to at least explain to him why his behavior is shady without accusing him of actual foul play? Is it even worth being with a guy who doesn’t want his co-workers, friends, family, to know we’re dating? That may not be the case, but it does feel like he is trying to hide me. — Too Well-Hidden

If after two years of dating, you need Facebook to tell your friends, family and co-workers you’re dating, that’s pretty messed-up. This guy is bad news and if he’s not trying to hide you from his inner circle, he’s most certainly trying to hide his inner circle from you. If he’s cheated on you, he should be doing whatever it takes to earn back your trust, not giving you more reasons to be suspicious. It’s time for an ultimatum: either he expose his tracks — both online and off — or you dump him for good and find someone who values you enough to publicly admit to dating you. And for God’s sake, don’t move with this guy to a new city if you can’t 100 percent trust him. Would you jump out of a plane if you had doubts the parachute wouldn’t open?

*Do you have a relationship/dating question I can help with? Send me your letters at {encode=”dearwendy@thefrisky.com” title=”dearwendy@thefrisky.com”}.

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