Damn you, Lady Gaga! Homegirl has a new video out, “Alejandro,” which I wanted to hate, and yet I like it. I hate it when the Gaga does that to me. First of all, the whole thing is nearly 10 minutes long. Second of all, and this is pretty much the only reason I like it, it was directed by Steven Klein, the fashion photographer. Third of all, and this is not a positive, I think Madonna already did literally every single thing that’s in the video already, with the possible exception of the sub machine gun bra at the end. I think the, er, “plot” is that Alejandro was poor Gaga’s lover, and he died, and now she’s sad. Because she’s sad, she is compelled to dance around with a bunch of half-clad dudes with Rihanna’s bowl cut, hump and get humped by various men, some wearing high heels, atop beds, and traipse around dressed like some sort of kinky nun. Like I said, it would be interesting if Madge hadn’t covered this territory in, like the ’80s, and if anything in this video were, you know, actually shocking. But it is pretty too look at! The song is totally unmemorable. What do you think of “Alejandro”? Make sure to watch it full-screen for the full effect, or you’ll miss all the details. Unless that’s what you want, of course.