Tabloid Cheat Sheet: Secretly Gay Celebs? Paris Hilton And Adrien Brody?

It’s a beautiful summer day in Hollywood and the celebs are just waking up, yawning in their beds, blissfully unaware that the tabloids have smeared their lives all over their covers. Today there are baby bumps, drugs, breakups, and lots of gay things going town in Tabloidville. Luckily, we’re here to scan and condense it into delicious tabby soup. That sounded so wrong. Start slurping!

  • I guess I just haven’t kept up, but according to OK!, Kim Kardashian is back together with Reggie Bush, after Kim’s mom Kris Jenner called and told him to take her back. Apparently, the Kardashian matriarch told him that life is short and they’re perfect for each other. An insider says that Reggie has helped Kim get over soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo. And while the headline says “A Wedding and a Baby for Kim,” in reality, it just mentions that Kim wants these things eventually. Duh. Also, Khloe is the one who is pregnant, right?
  • Marsha Brady Maureen McCormick is back in the tabloids after losing 50 lbs. The 53-year-old actress even posed in a bikini she wore as a teenager on “The Brady Bunch,” now that she’s just 111 lbs. The actress slimmed down on “Celebrity Fit Club,” but gained it all back and then some in the past two years. Now, she works out six days a week with a trainer and eats well. There wasn’t really anything interesting in the article, but the yo-yo weight photo montage is pretty jarring.
  • OK! has started a “Top Five Twitterers” sidebar and managed to round up the five least interesting celeb tweets. There’s one where Ellen DeGeneres talks about a baby calf, which obviously had a picture attached at some point. Kim Kardashion tweeted, “I just met Florence Henderson!!! WOW She is so beautiful!” which is just boring. And the most interesting was Britney Spears’ comment: “I love to take my boys on car drives, and sing songs to them about Mary Poppins that I make up.” But Britney doesn’t write her own tweets, so it loses any magic it may have had. Sidebar FAIL. [OK!]

  • Us Weekly caught up with “The Real Housewives of New York City” to discuss the Jill Zarin and Bethenny Frankel feud. In the season finale, the former besties had a makeup lunch and appeared to patch things up, but there’s still plenty of hurt feelings. Allegedly, the fact that Bethenny got her own spin-off, “Bethenny Getting Married?” was an issue for the other housewives. And Jill admits now that she overreacted to Frankel’s voicemail telling her to “get a hobby.” Zarin said, “I don’t think I would have been as angry at Bethenny if I didn’t love her so much. Love and hate are very close emotions, and I love her like my sister.” Meanwhile, Kelly “Crazy Pants” Bensimon says, “The women don’t want to celebrate who I am.” Yeah, I wonder why?
  • It looks like Celine Dion and Mariah Carey are both expecting twins! Though Carey hasn’t officially announced her pregnancy, friends have confirmed it to gossip sites. But two babies? Dion says that she never gave up, even though the IVF treatments were hard on her — she’s now reportedly 14 weeks along!
  • I’m endlessly excited when “Glee” finds its way into the tabloids, and Us brings us the “Secrets of Glee!” My favorite quote was from a staff insider, who said, “Lea [Michele] acts like she’s better than the rest of the cast. But the thing is, she legitimately is.” Lea’s taking the opportunity for super-stardom seriously by starting a strict vegan diet. And Cory Monteith, who plays Finn, is a 9th grade dropout who never trained in singing and dance, so he’s working extra hard to keep up. Basically, everyone loves each other and it’s like a big happy dance party all the time. Oh, everybody except Kristin Chenoweth (boozy glee club alum, April) and Idina Menzel (Rachel’s mom, Shelby), who refuse to be in the same room together, harboring a rivalry from their run of “Wicked,” which I totally saw and they were amazing. On the downside, all of the young actors have contracts that locked them into modest salaries until 2012, but it’s still a dream job. [Us Weekly]

  • The National Enquirer made my day with their “Who’s Gay & Who’s Not” roundup! They say that Lady Gaga and Crystal Bowersox are bisexual, Michael Emerson of “Lost” is straight, and Tyler Perry is maybe gay. Also, none of Cameron Diaz’s friends would be surprised if she were gay. And stars like Bono, John Mayer, and Rosario Dawson are just happy to lock lips with members of the same sex.
  • Apparently, Miley Cyrus’ boyfriend, Liam Hemsworth, has moved out after a bitter fight ensued when Miley’s parents blamed him for their daughter’s wild behavior. An insider says, “He said he’s tired of her folks’ interference, and that Miley’s jealous his film career has taken off. Liam didn’t show up to the “Hannah Montana” wrap party and a few days later he moved into his brother’s apartment and has said they are “on a break,” but a source says, “Miley, her family and all her baggage are too much for him to handle.”
  • In random celebrity coupling news, apparently Adrien Brody and Paris Hilton spent some time getting to know each other in Cannes, getting cozy in the VIP room and showing up together at various nightclubs. A friend says, “Paris can’t stop gushing about Adrien. He’s a gentleman and a charmer, and Paris can’t resist that.” I’m not sure if I’m offended that she stole my dream man or excited to see them interact? Maybe both. [The National Enquirer]

  • Gary Coleman is on the cover of People, in a feature titled, “The Tragic Life and Death of a Child Star.” In a surprising opening, the story says that while Coleman felt betrayed and failed by Hollywood, his parents, and his own body, he found happiness in model trains. In between acting, Gary even worked at the Allied Model Trains store in Culver City. The 4’8″ child star of “Diff’rent Strokes” died last week at 42 years old. Struggling with failing kidneys, the young star had to be on constant dialysis, and after his iconic role as Arnold Jackson ended, Coleman sued his business manager and parents for having allegedly misappropriated his money. Coleman took on random jobs, ran for California governor in 2003, and married Shannon Price in 2007. He once said, “I have four strikes against me—I’m black, I’m short, I’m intelligent, and I have a medical condition.” But he was loved.
  • Still in its early days, “The Bachelorette,” Ali Fedotowsky, still believes in love, despite the fact that one of the men on the show ran back to his ex-girlfriend (Frank Neuschaefer) and another has two girlfriends and was looking to make a third (Justin Rego, the wrestler). There were also ambulance visits and contestant Kasey Kahl’s impromptu tattoo. Though we don’t know how the season will end, Ali says, “I’m happy with everything I learned about myself and the tough decisions I made. I bounced back from being hurt, and now I’m the strongest I’ve ever been.”
  • Russell Brand talked to People about his relationship with Katy Perry. He disclosed the first time Katy told him she loved him. “She had gotten in an airplane, and across the L.A. sky, it said ‘I Love you,’ she had not said it to me before. She said it to me in pollution, essentially. It was beautiful.” Brand was kicked out of the prestigious Drama Centre acting school in London for disruptive behavior and found a niche as a raunchy stand-up comic, nearly destroying his life with addictions to alcohol, heroin, and sex. He’s been clean for almost eight years and says, “I’m much more aware of human frailty now … I’ve learned the importance of love, and also vulnerability and acceptance.” He fell for Katy when she threw a bottle at him at the MTV VMA Awards last year. He said, “She was so rude … It was hypnotic.” [People]

  • A new tell-all promises to expose Angelina Jolie’s deepest secrets. For Angelina: An Unauthorized Biography, Andrew Morton interviewed friends and associates to get the dirt on drug use, multiple lovers, and “scandalous secrets.” It will reportedly spill the beans on which Hollywood hotties Angie’s bedded, including Ethan Hawke, Lenny Kravitz, and Ralph Fiennes. On her drug use, Angie once said, “Heroin has been very close to me in my life” and admitted to doing everything else as well. She’s allegedly worried that Brad will hear all the secrets she’s kept from him.
  • Star announced that Khloe Kardashian is preggers. A close friend said, “She’s almost three months along.” And it shows—pictures of her this week feature a prominent baby bump in a not-so-concealing sequined silver dress, but she’s allegedly trying to save the announcement for the season premiere of her show. She and her husband, Lamar Odom, are elated and Khloe’s given up the margaritas and fast food for baby-friendly foods. An insider says, “Lamar has been so wonderful to her and gives her everything she could ever want. Khloe thinks a baby would be the ultimate gift to him!”
  • Heidi Montag “breaks free” from Spencer Pratt in a surprising turn of events! Just 13 months after their marriage, Heidi has moved out and is finding happiness with her old friend Jennifer Bunney. Montag’s publicist confirmed, “It’s a separation for now. And yes, the split is real.” Her plastic surgeon offered a shoulder to cry on and a place to stay “whenever she wanted.” Meanwhile, Spencer is texting and tracking Heidi’s movements, begging her to come back and she’s worried about her safety and the fact that he owns a lot of guns. An insider says she’s considering a restraining order since “he likes to get his anger out by shooting things.” WTF! Yay! [Star]