Heidi And Spencer Split! 10 Ideas For How Heidi Can Become Human Again

Ding dong, Spencer Pratt’s dead! It’s even better than when the Wicked Witch of the West melted. Let’s all rejoice that Heidi Montag may be leaving this douchebag once and for all! Heidi’s rep has confirmed that the couple is separating, but not divorcing, calling this period in their relationship a “hiccup.” Sounds like more than a hiccup to me. So why is she leaving? Sources say that Heidi loves Spencer but has lost contact with her friends and family and started to realize what she was missing. Ya think? I wonder what took her so long to come to this particular epiphany and too bad it took a back scooping to get there. Let’s hope that this split is for real and not just an elaborate ploy for her new reality show with Jen Bunney, an occasional character on “The Hills.” Heidi is moving in with the aspiring doctor [Wait, seriously? She’s an “aspiring doctor”? — Editor Amelia] for the summer while the cameras roll, to see if she will choose to be a single lady or get back together with her svengali. Please let her have filed divorce papers by the end of August! [Us Weekly]

After the jump, suggestions for how Heidi can become a normal human being now that Spencer is out of the picture.

  1. It would really help if Heidi got un-plastic so the world can take her seriously. She should march back to her plastic surgeon’s office and get those silicon water toys removed. If she could get her real nose back with minimal damage, we would like that as well.
  2. Haircut and color. Chop it off and get some lowlights. Ditch the platinum, please.
  3. We’re sure if she had the drive for a real career in fashion, F.I.T. would take her back. If she’s not into fashion school, how about getting some kind of degree in marketing, communications, or business? We recommend she take a Women’s Studies class as well. Simone de Beauvoir will do her good. She needs some direction.
  4. Now that Spencer’s gone, we think a proper reconciliation with LC is in order.
  5. And while she’s at it … she needs to go home to Colorado and kiss her mother’s feet.
  6. We hope Heidi will do some traveling. Not to a villa in Mexico for a secret wedding. Like real traveling. Alone. I’d like to see her do some volunteer work in Africa or go to some museums in Paris.
  7. How about getting rid of all the stripper gear and bikinis? A tasteful shopping spree would be much appreciated.
  8. THERAPY. THERAPY. THERAPY. There’s lots to talk about.
  9. I know she’ll have the cameras on her all summer, but she needs to get out of the public eye for a while. Stay away from nightclubs and red carpets. We’re thinking more like reading books, meditating, and going to the beach … a secluded beach.
  10. Since she has been disconnected from her friends and family for so long, she should spend as much time with them as possible so she can realize how much of a sacrifice she’s made.