20 Reasons To Quit Facebook

As we’re all counting down the hours until our holiday weekend begins, you may not realize that Monday isn’t just Memorial Day; it also happens to be Quit Facebook Day, an effort to mobilize people to protect their personal data and “the future of the web.” While there are surely some good things to have come from Facebook (Betty White on “SNL,” for one), as someone who deleted her account months ago, I have to argue that the cons outweigh the pros. After the jump, check out the top 20 reasons you should quit Facebook on May 31.

  1. Three words: kids’ poop updates.
  2. Enough with the relationship status anxiety already!
  3. Your aunt won’t stop updating her status to document menopause hot flashes.
  4. Couples are so much more annoying on Facebook.
  5. You don’t even think your own lunch is interesting enough to discuss.
  6. Everyone you hated and who hated you in high school suddenly wants to be friends.
  7. Everyone you hate now wants to be friends.
  8. Do you really need to know your junior high bestie grew up to be a teabagger?
  9. Your old childhood friends keep tagging the fugliest photos of you and then acting all put-out when you untag yourself.
  10. Your roommate’s mom asks you who that “attractive man” you were making out with on “the facebook” is and that makes you want to die.
  11. The popularity contest was pathetic enough in high school.
  12. Here’s a novel idea for keeping in touch with friends: Phone calls! Emails! Postcards! Lunch dates!
  13. It’s just too depressing to see that your unemployed friends have been playing Mafia Wars for hours at a time.
  14. Those weight loss ads on the sidebar are creepy.
  15. At least when you cyber-stalk an ex through Google, you don’t have to see a million pictures of his beautiful new girlfriend.
  16. At this point, there are so many people you want to unfriend, it’s easier to just delete yourself.
  17. And anyway, “unfriend” isn’t even a real word!
  18. You’re tired of seeing your updates end up on sites like STFUParents.
  19. Your co-workers really didn’t have to know your college nickname was Squirt.
  20. You have enough friends in real life.

Got any others to add?