Tabloid Cheat Sheet: Bret Is Ignoring Doctors? The Travoltas Are Expecting Twins!

I don’t know if you guys realize this, but it’s almost summer. And if you remember what happened last summer, I’ll remind you delicately—stars fell left and right. I think that this time around, we need to take better care of them. “Intervention” has a lot of work to do and to maintain balance, we might need some new celebrity babies. And who’s gonna be there when all this goes down? The tabloids. Hooray! And celebrities are like fairies—you have to believe in them. After the jump, the most interesting, maybe-true stories from this week’s tabloids.

  • OK! reveals the shocking truth: celebrities lie about plastic surgery. As Heidi Montag’s plastic surgeon, Dr. Frank Ryan, says, “There’s a myth to maintain, that they’re special, that they’re just naturally beautiful,” but as OK! puts it, “perfection is for sale.” Dr. Ryan says that stars are coming in earlier these days, getting fillers in their 20s, including several “Project Runway” models. A few other tricks include The Zerona device which melts fat, the Accent device which tightens skin, and apparently people are “reimplanting stem cells from their own fat into their breasts—instead of implants.” And basically, everyone has had boob jobs and nose jobs.
  • I guess there was no news in the Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson dating story this week, except to mention that Rob wants to defend his lady’s honor, denying that Kristen delights in torturing him. The tab mentions that the two will soon do another promotional tour and Rob has some surprises planned, including a “used book” for Kristen who loves reading to deal with being “physically overwhelmed by all the constant attention.” Kristen also loves Rob’s mind. The two trade novels that they’ve finished, and an insider says, “She loves that Rob is interested in just about everything. There aren’t that many hot young guys out there who are as smart.” Apparently, Robert also has his mom call Kristen every once and a while to “show Kristen he’s totally committed,” which seems pretty weird.
  • New “Bachelorette” and former “Bachelor” contestant Ali Fedotowsky says that returning to the mansion was a bit scary for her. “I had a little flashback of sitting on the end of the couch and Jake pulling me away for my first one-on-one,” she said. But Ali feels that she wouldn’t want to do the show anywhere else. “This house is so comfortable to me now—it brings me back to the place where I know that I can just open up and share my emotions and feelings.” Is it just me, of does it seem kinda weird to set people up with harems and let them weed them out until they “fall in love”? [OK!]

  • Us Weekly helps out the seasonal body guilt with “Diets That Work” … on people who were never fat, at least. The 17-page story asks some of our favorite celebs what they do to get their bikini bodies. To sum things up, most celebs admit to giving up red meat, cheese, alcohol, and carbs in favor of salads, egg whites, and lean protein. And then they exercise at least five times a week with personal trainers. Another theme for this issue seems to be the idea of eating 4-6 mini “snack” meals a day, like grapes and 23 almonds, and vegetarian lentil soup with one-fifth of an avocado. I don’t know how one manages to eat one-fifth of an avocado, but maybe that’s why I’m not “hot bodied”?
  • I’m not sure why anyone’s surprised that Bret Michaels “just wants to rock” and has been ignoring his doctor’s orders to rest. His younger sister, Michelle Sychak, says, “Just based on watching him, you could tell his body is not where his spirit is.” Michaels plans on getting surgery to fix the hole in his heart in the fall, but L.A. cardiologist William Cabeen says, “It would be prudent to avoid heavy lifting. It can open the hole and cause circulation of clots.” Donald Trump encouraged Bret to come to the series finale of “Celebrity Apprentice,” which Michaels won, but Trump feels maybe a little guilt admitting, “I encouraged him. I’m a bad person.” Michaels insists he’s taking care of himself and preparing for his future surgery.
  • I don’t get why people didn’t realize Kelly Bensimon was nuts the second she arrived on “The Real Housewives of New York City.” But Us reveals what we didn’t see of her breakdown. Sonja Morgan says Bensimon is “great one-on-one, but she gets defensive around the girls” and was apparently not drunk but “lashing out after being bullied.” After the filming stopped, Sonja says, “I took Kelly’s hand and said, ‘Do you think this is normal?” Which obviously didn’t work. So, Bensimon and Bethenny Frankel continued name-calling until Kelly ran to her room and producers had to calm her because “she was on her bed, rocking back and forth,” according to a source, who adds, “She kept saying she thought Bethenny was going to kill her. It went on for hours.” Kelly has allegedly moved on but is “hurt by how the show portrayed her, but she realizes what the show needs. They have to push it past flipping tables.” Mission accomplished. [Us Weekly]

  • In an all-too-familiar story, the National Enquirer says that Oprah and Gayle King had a screaming match. Only the cover was almost identical several months ago, but instead of Gayle, it was Whitney Houston. Regardless, a friend of Oprah says, “It’s getting really ugly. They’re at each other’s throats.” The fight apparently springs from the fact that Gayle moved in with Oprah last month and now Oprah is belittling Gayle in production meetings. They stepped into another room where Gayle yelled, “I hate you when you act like this! When you talk down to people—and you talk down to me—I know it’s not how you really feel. I’m extremely upset, and I don’t know when I’ll get over it.” Wait, that seems super rational. Oprah apologized but has not backed down. Gayle is allegedly seeking revenge by getting close to President Obama. And now Stedman Graham has moved back in to Oprah’s building and is trying to win her back.
  • Apparently, Rachael Ray has lost 28 pounds and has a hot new body, but honestly, I can’t tell the difference and I still don’t like her. The TV cook had been on steroids after getting surgery on a throat cyst last year, which made her gain weight. A source said, “Everyone was worried for her because her weight ballooned, but getting the cysts treated was the most important thing. Rachael started running three and a half miles a day and exercises for another hour after that. Rachael’s dad told Enquirer, “I think she looks great, she’s doing very good work with her school lunch programs. I’m very proud of her.” Thanks, Dad.
  • I just love breaking your hearts, so I’m happy to report that Daniel Craig was spotted outside a gay bar, making out with a dude. Patrons at the Roosterfish bar wonder if he’s bisexual. A witness says, “It was definitely Daniel Craig, and he most certainly was making out with a guy. Daniel kissed his friend on the lips. It was an open-mouth, passionate French kiss. In fact, Daniel held the guy’s head in his hands and pulled him in for the kiss!” The source passed a polygraph regarding his claims. Craig has been married to Scottish actress Fiona Loudon for four years. At first, the witness thought maybe Craig and his friend were there to check out the music, but realized it was more when the men started dancing. I don’t think a straight man goes to a place called Roosterfish to “check out the music.” [The National Enquirer]

  • Kate Gosselin and her brood of kids are on the cover of People and they’re not so little any more! The single mom and her eight children recently filmed a TLC special, which will air on June 6, celebrating the sextuplet’s 6th birthday at Orlando’s Discovery Cove, where they swam with the dolphins. It was just last year at the kids’ 5th birthday that Kate realized “there was no going back” in the dissolving of her marriage to Jon. Kate says her life with Jon “feels like 10 years ago.” Kate says it hasn’t been easy for the kids either; Mady recently told her, “I’m always sad. I’m sad when I’m with you because I miss Daddy, and I’m sad when I’m with Daddy because I miss you.” Kate admits, “I don’t think I really know how to even relax anymore … There are moments when I do see glimpses of what a normal life might be … I’m not there yet.”
  • Kevin Jonas married his wife, Danielle, five months ago and talks to People this week about the newlywed life. Kevin says, “It’s great being with your best friend all the time.” And Danielle agrees, “It’s so nice being with the one you know you’re supposed to be with.” They’ve settled in a North Texas ranch house with floor-to-ceiling windows and a gourmet kitchen. Kevin says his younger brothers make fun of him in between taping their TV show. Kevin says, “Nick and Joe were like, ‘Going on your lunch break to pick up a prescription, that’s so married of you!'” Joe says that Kevin “loves telling people he’s married. He’ll always try to work it into the conversation.” While the Jonas Brothers prepare for a 46-city tour, Kevin and Danielle get ready to move their love nest to the tour bus.
  • The other Fergie, Sarah Ferguson, was actually dancing with her daughter to the Black Eyed Peas at Naomi Campbell’s birthday, just hours before news broke out that she had accepted money from a reporter for access to her ex-husband, Prince Andrew. For $40,000 in cash and a $700,000 wire transfer, Fergie told News of the World reporter Mazher Mahmood that his money would “open up all the channels … you meet Andrew.” In a statement, the former princess said, “I very deeply regret the situation and the embarrassment caused. It is true my financial situation is under stress. However, that is no excuse for a serious lapse in judgment.” Fergie did manage to get herself back together after accumulating $7.1 million in debt by becoming the Weight Watchers and Wedgwood china spokeswoman, among many other ventures. Her friend confirms that she’s “lost all her money.” And while Fergie’s been living at Andrew’s Royal Lodge in Windsor for free for several years, it’s not expected that he’ll throw her out, a source says: “Andrew is very much, ‘She’s the mother of my children’ She can do no wrong.” [People]

  • Star reports that Prince William and Kate Middleton are planning a $40 million wedding of the century! They’ve already started preparing for the wedding at Buckingham Palace, even though they won’t announce the engagement until June. A palace insider says, “William and Kate would love a low-key event with friends and family,” but since he’s second in line to the throne, William has to endure the global TV celebration. At least 2,500 dignitaries and celebrities will attend the ceremony, which is to take place at St. Paul’s Cathedral in London. Kings and queens from around the world will stay in Windsor Castle and Buckingham Palace for the occasion and Michelle Obama, who has warmed up to Queen Elizabeth, will represent the United States, probably with Barack at her side. Fergie has apparently been “disinvited” due to the recent scandal. Kate, who had been dubbed “Waity Katy” by the Brits, will be given Princess Diana’s $1 million engagement ring, as well as a wedding band made from gold mined at the River Mawddach in North Wales. Pretty exciting!
  • Ew, I hate it when gross exes come out of the woodwork and want to announce inappropriate things in public. This seems to be the case with Kristin Davis’s chef ex-boyfriend Eric Stapleman who hooked up with her way back in 1988 when she a hostess at his NYC restaurant Luma. He divulged that Kristin is far from her prudish character Charlotte, revealing, “One time we were staying at a friend’s house in the Hamptons, and she stripped down and let me make love to her on our bedroom balcony in the middle of the afternoon. And she liked to do it in the bathtub too.” Eric now lives in New Mexico (sad face to my home state) and says he was the one who put her naked pictures on the internet. He says the star was “obsessed about her weight” and wore baggy outfits and Bridget Jones-esque undies. Eric says that, “Kristin was just too moody and insecure for me,” but adds, “In some way, I think ‘Sex and the City’ might have given her the confidence she never had.” You’re still a jerk, Stapleman.
  • Last week, Star revealed that John Travolta and Kelly Preston were expecting, which they confirmed, and it turns out now that they’re expecting twin boys! An insider says, “They were ecstatic when they thought they were having just one baby. Now that there will be two, they can barely contain their happiness!” But a Dr. Lischke warns that because of Kelly’s age, there’s a higher risk of miscarriage, premature labor or birth defects. John and Kelly are very positive, though, a friend reveals: “[Kelly]’s been told to gain more weight, so she is eating lots of protein, like steak and chicken… She loves that she’s supposed to put on the pounds!” Kelly is already decorating nurseries and “having the time of her life looking at all the cute little outfits and toys online.” The insider concludes, “They are so grateful to be going through the process of becoming parents again, and now they feel twice as lucky. [Star]