The “Lost” Survival Guide For Those Of Us Who Don’t Give A Crap

I’m one of those people who doesn’t like to do what everyone else is doing. I’ve known this about myself since pre-school, when all the girls chose pink as their favorite color and I was so annoyed that I chose purple. In my adult life, this dynamic manifests itself in my TV habits. I refuse to watch a show that everyone’s talking about (unless of course I’m legitimately into it, ahem, “Mad Men“). Do I have to watch the hottest show just so I can make awkward conversation at the water cooler? Answer: No, I don’t. Thus, when “Lost” came on the air six seasons ago, and no one would shut up about it, I decided I would not watch it. A show about plane crash survivors on an island? No thanks. I’m sure the show is as amazing and mindf**ky as everyone says it is, but maybe if everyone would shut their trap about it for one second, I would be motivated to check it out.

As you can imagine, the weeks leading up to the finale have been a rough time for me. Everyone’s talking about the others, wormholes, laser beams, or whatever is happening on that crazy island. I have been inundated with magazine covers, interviews, “Lost” party invites, and Facebook status updates galore all about this show that I don’t give a crap about. The result? I feel disconnected from the human race. For those proud few who feel the same way as I do, we need to support each other to get through this rough time. After the jump, five suggestions for surviving the most annoying day of our life. I’m thinking about calling it L-Day.

  1. Power down pronto. Turn off your TV, computer, and cell phone. Eliminate as much technology as you can without getting fired. Take a long hike or a yoga class. Spend the day in silent meditation. Pretend that you’re Amish. Make wooden furniture and homemade cheese. Knit a sweater or listen to records. Go to a museum. Stay off the grid (except if you need to check The Frisky). Do anything you can possibly do to keep all of the “Lost” media s**tstorm out of your sight.
  2. Post an anti-“LOST” Facebook status update or Tweet. My FB status update is “Am I the only person in the world who doesn’t give a crap about ‘Lost’?” A few people have responded that I am not alone. It made me feel better. It will do the same for you. Share your anti-“Lost” sentiments loud and proud.
  3. Watch a different TV show and talk about it to everyone. Last night while most humans were watching the “Lost” finale, I was watching the “Six Feet Under” finale. I never saw the show while it was on the air because there was too much hype, so I boycotted. But when “Lost” season six started, I decided to watch “Six Feet Under” on DVD, starting with season one and working my way through. Today, I will talk about the “Six Feet Under” series finale. And nothing else.
  4. Have lunch and dinner alone today. Treat yourself to a nice meal at a restaurant. Bring a book. Or go for a long walk. Stay away from your co-workers, family, and friends. You may even want to consider calling in sick. Or hibernating all day. The less human contact, the better.
  5. When you can’t avoid human contact, pre-empt all “Lost” convo with more important news. “I got a new puppy this weekend”; “My cousin is in the hospital”; or “Let’s talk about global warming.” Your news is way more important than any TV show could ever be. Anyone who dares to talk about anything other than your new puppy, your sick cousin, or the eventual destruction of our planet is an a-hole and you are superior to them.

Any other suggestions for surviving L-Day? Leave your ideas in the comments.

Tags: lost, tv shows