Would You Be Cool With Your Significant Other Having A Best Friend Of The Opposite Sex?
This may come as no surprise to some regular Frisky readers, but John DeVore — our Mind of Man — is my best guy friend. If I were to rank all of my friends in order of importance, he would probably be in the Top 3. (I wouldn’t say he is my number one, like Elizabeth Hurley views her ex, Hugh Grant, but he could potentially work his way into that spot.) Back in my engaged days, I really wanted him to be a bridesmaid and/or officiate the ceremony — were I to ever get married in the future and have a wedding, I hope he’ll be up for the job. When I have a problem, he’s one of the first people I turn to for advice, a laugh, or a shoulder to cry on. When I hook up with a dude, I usually tell him, though he always stops me before I can get to the juicy bits. As guys are wont to be, he is less over-sharey with me, but I believe he knows he can talk to me about anything. In short, John DeVore and I are tight. He’s the Ken Paves to my Jessica Simpson, only not a gay hairdresser (though he does love musical theater and does a mean updo). Next week, it’s “Male Best Friends Week” on “The View” — each co-host will bring along her best guy friend to contribute to the already deafening clatter. As you might expect, Elisabeth Hasselbeck is bringing her husband Tim as her best guy friend. Tim was actually already guest hosting yesterday and this got the gang talking about whether men and women could actually be just friends. Elisabeth and Tim both said they would not be OK with the other spending alone time with a straight friend of the opposite sex.
Discomfort with guy/girl friendships is obviously not exclusive to couples like Elisabeth and Tim, but I have, thus far, not really had a problem with it. That said, the two guys I dated seriously in the last year and a half both inquired repeatedly if there was anything more between DeVore and I at any time (there wasn’t/isn’t). Likewise, I’ve tried to imagine how I would feel if a boyfriend I loved was very close to a female friend. After all, my ex-fiance eventually told me that he began to fall for his current girlfriend — also his coworker — while he and I were still together, based on their “deep friendship.” I didn’t know there was a deep friendship, mind you, and maybe that’s vital to making situations like this work — transparency. Sneaking around or being less than forthcoming about the significance of a friendship implies something nefarious is afoot. I do think men and woman can just be friends. I just don’t know that everyone outside of those friendships can be comfortable with them.
What about you? Would you be OK with your significant other having a very close friend of the opposite sex? How much time would you be OK with them spending together?