Tabloid Cheat Sheet: Kristen And Robert Engaged? Oprah Evil?

Another Wednesday, another sex scandal. You’d think that celebrity men would quit sleeping with call-girls since selling their stories to the tabloids is obviously more lucrative than spending an hour with them. But it’s not sad sack time in Tabloid Town—there are also plenty of new babies to ogle and a few marriages that have yet to be tarnished. Equally important, you’re almost half-way through your work week! Woohoo! And as a reward, we’ve rounded up the best tabloid stories just for you.

  • It’s been a minute, but now that the promotional tour for “Eclipse” has begun, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are back in the tabloids, this time with a marriage proposal! Only, the quote was more like, “He proposed they’ll get married one day,” which is totally not the same thing. OK! did say that Kristen got Rob an iPad and a $6,000 vintage 1960s Martin acoustic guitar for his birthday, and those are for-sure girlfriend gifts. Also, fun “Eclipse” news: Kristen’s kissing scene with Taylor Lautner had to be re-shot because test audiences found it to be risque! So, I guess we have something to look forward to?
  • For “Sex and the City 2,” OK! did a guide to the New York hot spots from the movie, including Carrie and Big’s new apartment and the Ziegfeld Theater where the fictional Smith Jerrod movie premiere takes place. They recommend staying at the Renaissance Hotel in Times Square like Samantha. The only shopping advice they could offer was “SoHo,” which is pretty vague. And just in case you’re sweating Carrie’s reflective gold sunglasses, they’re limited-edition Mykita & Bernhard aviators. The tabloid also revealed that Chris Noth ate lunch with the crew so that he could flirt with the model extras. Tsk, tsk, Mr. Big.
  • Britney Spears and Justin Trawick are focusing on their personal relationship now that Trawick is no longer Britney’s agent. But an “observer” noted that Jason doesn’t visit three times a week anymore. Britney got a got new bodyguard who recently took her to lunch instead of the court hearing she was supposed to go to, regarding her father handling her personal affairs. But things seem to be running smoothly with the couple—they have been taking walks with the kids and holding hands while shopping. Britney also recently shot down breakup rumors on her website. [OK!]

  • Sandra Bullock has got herself one cute baby. The new momma recently dropped some bills in Austin on the little guy. The store owner told Us Weekly, of the 4-month-old baby, “He’s such a big boy, so she was buying clothes for babies 18 to 24 months!” She also said that Sandra “was such a natural with him.” Sandra’s getting help from her friends and family, including her sister Gesine, George Lopez, and Leigh Anne Tuohy, the women Sandra’s “Blind Side” character was based on, who said of Louis, “He’s so beautiful, I could eat him up with a spoon!” A source says that Sandra never imagined the single parenting route, saying, “She always settled for less. And in the end, she realized she didn’t need these crappy men. It’s an extraordinary lesson for her.” Amen to that.
  • While OK! hinted at marriage for KStew, Us Weekly named their story “How She Tortures Him.” A source says, “They fight a lot, and Kristen is the one who is always getting mad at him, she snaps at him in public and he’ll ask if they can take it upstairs.” Other sources says that while Rob feels Kristen is “The One,” Kristen sees them as casual, “definitely not ‘boyfriend and girlfriend.'” Other sources confirm that Kristen is moody and Rob is pining over her. The couple has tried really hard to hide their relationship, taking two SUVs in different directions, only for Kristen to hop into Rob’s once the paparazzi loses them. One of Kristen’s friends doesn’t think they’re in it for the long haul though: “She just turned 20. It’s unrealistic to expect they’re going to make it after the ‘Twilight’ movies are over, but no matter what, they’ll always have a place in each other’s hearts, since they rose to fame at the same time. It’s something nobody else can understand.”
  • And now for the article we’ve all been waiting for: “How Jen Stays So Young.” But then it goes on to talk about how “she’s starting to show her age” and is self-conscious about staying fit and competing with her “Just Go With It” co-star, Brooklyn Decker. Sources on set say that she mostly eats salad, miso-marinated opakapaka fish, an occasional papaya smoothie, and pureed food. The actress also allegedly smokes a pack a day and also exercises for an hour daily. A mean stylist warned that Jen’s fashion choices are too young: “It’s almost like she’s stuck in her ‘Friends’ days.” Whatever, leave the girl alone! [Us Weekly]

  • Looking at the cover of the National Enquirer and Matt Lauer’s ‘other women,’ you’d think that the guy is screwed. But then you look at the tiny portraits and realize that the only one he actually admittedly to hooking up with was Jessica Thorman and that one happened in 1998, before his wedding. The other four are “beauties who caught Matt’s attention.” But Jessica’s husband, Zoltan Molnar (really), still blames Matt for wrecking their marriage, saying “He’s not the goody-goody nice guy he looks like on TV!” But the thing is, none of the women mentioned said anything remotely romantic happened between them and Matt. And while some sources say that Matt flirted endlessly on set, another insider insists that “[his wife] Annette is hostile to any woman who has a work relationship with Matt, with the exception of Meredith Vieira and Ann Curry.” I still have high hopes, I guess.
  • Twenty-eight-year-old Monica Piliszek says that Oprah promoted her boyfriend Robert Patrizi’s salon after he savagely beat her. Piliszek said, “I feel like she’s betrayed me and every other woman who’s been a victim. I sent her the police report in my case, the medical records—and even the photos of my bloody, bandaged face. But the show still went ahead and gave the man who attacked me publicity that was priceless.” The couple was on Oprah’s show in November, but a month later, Piliszek was nursing their baby when a woman called and demanded she wake Robert up because she left her things in his car. When Piliszek explained the situation, not even realizing he was cheating, Robert allegedly threw the baby down on the bed, punched her in the face three times, and threatened to kill her. Piliszek grabbed the baby and waited in the snow for the police who arrested Robert. She filed a restraining order, was fired from the salon, and kicked out of the house when Robert stopped paying the bills. When Monica received a call saying that Oprah was doing another men’s makeover show and using Robert’s Halo salon, Monica sent Oprah all the documents but never heard back. [The National Enquirer]

  • Jennifer Hudson boasts, “I’m in the best shape of my life,” after going from a size 16 to a size 6. After getting the role of Winnie Mandela for a biopic, the director asked Hudson three times before filming began to lose weight. Jennifer said, “Whatever it takes to morph into the character, I’ll do it.” But, Hudson insists on doing it healthily, working with a trainer and following Weight Watchers. Jennifer says she used to restrict herself, only eating grilled chicken and egg whites until she got bored of it, but now she eats her favorite foods in much smaller portions. She also started walking daily, eventually working up to a circuit training regimen. Hudson admits, “In my head, I am still the same weight I was before, it takes a while to get used to.”
  • Bethenny Frankel revealed her new baby daughter, Bryn Casey Hoppy, who was born on May 8th. The baby was born five weeks before her due date and weighed just 4 lbs. 12 oz. but is perfectly healthy. Of her husband, Jason Hoppy, Bethenny says, “I was beyond driven, I had never slowed down for a guy before.” Hoppy proposed last October and they learned they were pregnant shortly after and wed in March. Frankel says of her motherly bliss, “We didn’t know anything about kids. Now we can’t believe we could have possibly missed this.”
  • People says that Matt and Annette Lauer are not getting a divorce (whew)! Matt told the magazine, “[It’s] a work of fiction,” referring to the National Enquirer reports that they were splitting. Matt has also not moved out of their home and Annette also spoke up, saying, “I want to stand up for my family. Has it always been easy? No. But I don’t think we’re different than any married couple. This is made up.” Thank goodness! [People]

  • An insider has gushed to Star about how happy Kelly Preston is to be pregnant. “Both she and John are absolutely over the moon—they knew in their hearts that the time was right for this to happen,” the source said. Kelly once said, “I love everything about [pregnancy], you’re treated like a princess, and your husband pampers you every minute!” And John once said, “Kelly and I like the idea of having a child around all the time … Kids are like lightning. You grab that lightning when you can get it. Plus, infants just make me so happy.” Their daughter is excited to be a big sister and the insider says, “They know having this child was meant to be. Everything just feels right.”
  • Even though I like “Cougar Town,” I’m not happy with the news that Courteney Cox might be cheating on David Arquette to hook up with her co-star Brian Van Holt. Courteney has been spotted four times in less than four weeks hanging out with Brian, who plays her ex-husband on the show. Back in 2007, there were rumors that Courteney and David were having marriage troubles and sought out therapy, but some wonder if they’re faking it. A witness says that Court and Brian “acted like a couple” at a recent dinner in Culver City and, “At one point, she reached across the table and grabbed his arm. They were both smiling ear to ear.” Even more recently, they had beers and chips in an outdoor patio and an eyewitness says, “They looked like they were holding hands at the side of their table … And their affection for each other was obvious. Before they went their separate ways, Brian leaned far into the driver’s side window of Courteney’s blue BMW. It certainly seemed to me he was getting a kiss goodbye!”
  • Oprah’s not having a good day in the tabloids. Star reported on her “Reign of Terror,” saying her employees are terrified of her diva outbursts. Oprah likes things to be perfect; she doesn’t like to be looked at or touched; and employees’ emails are monitored to make sure secrets are kept that way and no non-work emails can get in. One Harpo producer was allegedly fired for putting an arm around Oprah. Another nearly died when she passed out from exhaustion in her garage and was almost gassed to death. A source says, “She has threatened to fire people for not stocking her candy cabinet. On a bad day, she’ll order an assistant to whip up a batch of brownies.” Employees at Harpo have to sign a lifelong confidentiality agreement, which keeps them from talking about the company or Oprah. A source says, “She’s definitely been nastier lately. She wanted to go out on top in her last season, and she’s taking out the low ratings on her staff. As usual.” [Star]