8 Things I Will Not Miss About “Lost”

After six seasons and hundreds of instances of Hurley saying “dude,” “Lost” finally comes to an end this Sunday night in a two-and-a-half hour series finale episode. Tonight is the last hour-long episode — titled “What They Died For” — before that finale (“The End”), and it’s got me thinking about all the things I’ll miss when the show goes off the air … Sawyer’s nicknames and the books he inspired me to add to my reading list; the love stories of Desmond and Penny, Nadia and Sayid, and Jin and Sun; Ben’s diabolical delivery and wit; and most of all, I’ll miss the mystery. But you know what? There are some things that I will not miss about “Lost,” things that I will be happy to see vacate my life when the show is over. Here are eight things I’ll be happy to wave goodbye to when “Lost” is over.1. “Lost”-Induced Anxiety: Whether it’s the paranoid panic of realizing you may have forgotten to set the DVR to record a new episode or the anxiety that comes from a particularly mind-boggling episode, “Lost” is not, to quote our own Catherine, “a relaxing TV show to watch.” I’m looking forward to spending my evenings with the blissfully stress-free “The Bachelorette” and “The Real Housewives of New Jersey.”

2. Drive Shaft: Charlie Pace’s band had one hit song before the heroin addict crashed on the island with the rest of Oceanic 815. Never hearing “You All Everybody” again can’t come soon enough.

3. The Costumes: And by that we mean, the same dirty, sweaty clothes the Losties have been wearing since day one, save the occasional flashback or flash-forward episode. Needless to say, those rank pit stains have killed my desire for Smell-O-Vision.

4. Kate’s Wishy-Washiness: Which is it, Kate Austin? Jack or Sawyer? Following directions or running off on your own to “save the day”? Season after season, episode after episode, Kate’s antics have grated on my last nerve. I won’t miss a single thing about her.

5. Being Confused: I am one of those “Lost” fans who are withholding final judgment on this season and the show in general until the screen goes dark at the end of the final episode. I want to believe that the writers are leading us to a place where all of our questions will be answered, that everything — the Smoke Monster, the polar bears, the women who can’t get pregnant, the numbers, the everything — will come together in one harmonious “A-HA!” moment. As time ticks down, even I must concede that that is looking less and less likely and once it’s all over, many questions will probably remain. I will not miss the feeling of being even more confused week after week.

6. Heated Fights With Friends: I have a pal who is just as nuts about “Lost” as I am, completely engaged in the storyline and the characters. Like me, he cried when Jin, Sun, and Sayid died on the submarine explosion. However, about 50 percent of the time, we disagree on whether or not a particular episode was amazing or totally awful. Our disagreements are not uncommon among “Lost” fans — frankly, the show often walks a fine line between brilliant and totally over-the-top terrible. When this friend of mine doesn’t see the genius in a particular episode or is irate about the direction the show is taking, while I am busy championing it, I wonder if he’s a complete moron and whether our friendship can survive it.

7. Doc Jensen’s Recaps: The day after a new episode of “Lost” airs, Entertainment Weekly official Lost-o-phile, Jeff Jensen, posts his recap of the episode. You could read and decipher Dante’s Inferno — written in the original Latin — faster than one of Jensen’s meaty yet stream-of-consciousness-style assessments. At the end of the day, I have learned more about “Lost” from Jensen than anyone else, but I, for one, am excited to have my Wednesday nights back, so I can go out on the prowl like a normal 30-something woman instead of poised in front of my laptop with Jensen as my date.

8. Claire: Like Kate Austin, I despise almost everything about Claire. I want to be clear that my distaste for the two most prominent female characters on “Lost” is not because I don’t enjoy female protagonists. “Lost” has had, and has killed off, many fantastic heroines and I continue to miss them — Ana Lucia, Libby, Juliet, to name a few — immensely. But Claire’s hay-hair, nasal whining about “Charlie” and “the baaaaby,” not to mention that scary voodoo doll she’s carried around this season, will not be missed at all.

So, let’s hear it, fellow “Lost” fans — what will you miss about the show? And what won’t you miss at all?

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