Girl Talk: Maybe I Should Try Celibacy
I’m seriously inspired by this article I saw in the New York Post, “No More Sex In The City,” about how celibacy has become “a thing.” It opens with the story of 29-year-old Brooklyn musician Katie Jean Arnold:
After hooking up with a stranger on the L train platform and going back to his place, she woke up at his apartment and decided to leave. On her way out the door, he came up to her, naked, and said the words she’ll never forget: ‘What’s your name?’ It was then that she made her Big Decision. No. More. Sex. Katie plans to keep her chastity belt on from now on … well at least until she achieves her dream of landing a record deal. “Not having sex is like giving up junk food … sex in New York for me had become like the 99-cent package of Ding Dongs on the corner.”
I’m embarrassed to admit that I can totally relate. Oh man, do I love Ding Dongs.
I managed to do the celibacy thing for a month once. “Celibacy September” I called it. I decided to do it because I was going through a lot of transitions. I had just changed careers and I needed to get my life together and take care of business. It was also around the time that I decided that I was maybe ready to try to have an actual relationship with someone again. Single life is fun for a while and then one day it stops being so fun. Like the day that you wake up in a stranger’s bed with all of his cousins peering in the door and laughing. I was tired of regretting my hook-up choices. Tired of being disappointed. Tired of feeling lame-o and dejected the next morning. Let’s face it: sex is just so distracting.
“Celibacy September” was a great month. I worked out more, drank less, got a lot accomplished at work, had so many creative ideas. I felt amazing! And then of course, because I felt fabulous, the dudes started sniffing around. One thing led to another and by October 1st, I found myself on a late-night run for a pack of Ding Dongs.
Katie Jean Arnold may have just inspired me to give a Ding Dong-free life another shot. I agree with Amelia that the 30-something-guys I’ve been meeting leave a whole lot to be desired. At this point, I don’t really feel like I’d be missing out on anything great if I were to do a “celibacy cleanse.” Just a whole lot of “What’s your name again?” moments. Do. Not. Want. Want romance. Just a little at least. And friendship. And a bond that happens organically. I’m done trying so hard.
I feel like sex and dating in general have lost their earnestness, especially in New York City. Maybe a celibacy cleanse could bring back the innocence. I want to date for the sole purpose of finding out who a person really is, not to have sex confuse the courting process. Maybe if a bunch of us awesome, single women in NYC — heck, the whole country — went on a simultaneous “celibacy cleanse,” all those confused single dudes would be forced to get their acts together instead of just sampling from the endless lady buffet.