Frisky Reader Revealed: Tune In, Dennis Duck Dong

Hands down, the best thing about working at The Frisky is our amazing readers. We so heart all of your witty, thoughtful, and informative comments—heck, we even appreciate the mean ones. Sometimes, we can’t help but wonder about the faces behind avatars. We decided to launch a weekly column where we learn all about a Frisky reader. After the jump, meet Dennis Duck Dong, one of our most prolific commenters. Please state your name, age, and location for The Friskyverse.

Dennis Hong, 36, San Diego. If anyone decides to Google me for whatever reason, I’m not the Dennis Hong who was accused and acquitted of second-degree murder. No way, man. I’m too conniving to get caught.

How did you find the site?

It was John DeVore’s “Men Don’t Have Guilty Pleasures” article, reposted on I still remember the moment as though it were yesterday. My eyes locked on the tit … title, that is, from across a crowded website. And, in that instant, I knew I had to get to know it better. The article opened up my world to the Friskyverse, and we’ve been together ever since.

What do you do all day, other than follow The Frisky, which is totally condoned?

Let me begin with my mantra (which, admittedly, is a retooling of a famous proverb): “Give a kid a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a kid to fish, and he eats for a lifetime. But sometimes, you have to take that fish and smack the kid upside the head with it to remind him that you’re trying to teach him to fish.” To answer the question then, I currently teach at a continuation high school, which is where they send the kids who’ve been kicked out of high school. Ergo, what I do all day is smack kids around with fishes.

Relationship status?

Freshly single. So fresh, in fact, that the maggots of bitterness have not yet begun to pick away at the carcass of my relationship. What can I say? I’m mushy and poetic like that.

What is your fave post in recent Frisky history?

In retrospect, I can’t say that it was my “fave” post, since it totes sucked up all my time for, like, sev days, OMG. But, the articles about Stephanie Grace did incite me to post probs a hundred comments, LOL.

What are your pop culture guilty pleasures?

Well, given that “Men Don’t Have Guilty Pleasures” was my initiation into the Friskyverse, would admitting that I have a guilty pleasure mean giving up my man card? Oh well, I guess I’d have to put down The Frisky as my answer, anyway.

Can you share your most embarrassing dating story? We always share ours. It’s only fair.

It’s a toss-up between the time I made a girl cry on the first date and the girl who wanted me to romance her while she was sleeping around with another guy. Since the second story makes me seem like less of an a-hole (I can accomplish that all on my own here, thank you very much), I’ll go with that one. She was an old friend whom I started dating. She told me that she really liked me and wanted to “take it slow,” so as not to mess things up. But then, she also told me that she was going to keep sleeping with another guy casually while we were exploring this potential romance. Great deal for the other dude. Not so great a deal for me. If anyone actually wants to read the whole story, you can read it here. The first-date crier is also in there, too, if you’re interested—it’s the post titled “Check Your Baggage, Please.”

Who is your celebrity doppelganger?

Well, given that all Asians apparently look alike, feel free to insert your favorite famous Asian here. I prefer Jet Li, but anyone other than Margaret Cho will be tolerable.

What type of skivvies do you have on right now?

Clean ones. It’s one of those small goals that I set for myself everyday. I even achieve it … on most days.

What is your secret talent?

Many of my friends don’t even know this about me now, since I have no time to play anymore, but I used to be a hell of a pianist. I’m not embarrassed to admit that my arsenal of seduction used to include writing and playing songs for the target of my wooings.

If you could be a superhero, what would your superpower be?

I’ve always wanted to be able to travel in time. That way, I could go back four billion years and settle the question of the origins of life on this planet. After that, I’d make a pit stop in 1987 and tell my younger self to invest in Microsoft and forget about buying laser disks. Then, I’d slap some sense into him for thinking that he was actually being smooth with that cute chick in homeroom.

Favorite book, movie, musician or band?

One of my all-time favorite books is Nonsense: Red Herrings, Straw Men and Sacred Cows: How We Abuse Logic in Our Everyday Language, by Robert Gula. I think this book should be required reading for anyone who participates in online discussions.

Who is your celebrity crush?

I feel a little too old to be having crushes now. At some point, I think every guy graduates from “schoolboy crush” to “old man lechery.” I’ll just say that I was a big Alyssa Milano fan when I was in my teens and 20s.

What’s something you hope to see more of on The Frisky?

More reader-submitted articles. Especially articles submitted by me. Yes, yes, I’m shameless like that. In all seriousness, though, I really do think this site needs more articles from the male perspective.