• Relationships

25 Signs You’re Not Actually Dating

Remember when you were in high school and college and dating really just meant “hanging out”? Once you reach a certain age — ahem, 21, when you can legally go out to a restaurant and order a bottle of wine — the definition of dating becomes much, much simpler. In order to be dating someone, you need to be going out on dates, among other things. After the jump, 25 signs you’re not actually dating.

  1. You’ve never hung out before 10 p.m.
  2. All of your plans arise out of spontaneous run-ins.
  3. He’s married or has a girlfriend.
  4. You’ve been out more than five times, but have never had a meal together — it’s been all liquid.
  5. You don’t know his last name — let alone his middle! — or where he lives.
  6. You’ve gone out more than five times and haven’t so much as held hands or kissed. (You’re just friends, homie. Or he’s Amish.)
  7. You’ve only hung out in a group in public; the only alone time you have is in bed.
  8. You have to make all attempts at contact — except those late-night booty calls.
  9. You’re sleeping together, but he’s never slept over.
  10. You haven’t had brunch the next day.
  11. You’ve been “hanging out” for a month but have never done so in the light of day.
  12. If you meet his friends, they have no reaction to hearing your name.
  13. You meet up places — he never officially makes plans, like, “Are you free Saturday to see ‘Hot Tub Time Machine’?”
  14. It’s been less than a week since you began seeing him.
  15. It’s been more than a week since you’ve heard from him.
  16. When he sleeps over, he always sneaks out in the morning without saying goodbye.
  17. You only communicate through text messages and email.
  18. In fact, you met online and all of your “dates” have been via Skype!
  19. He leaves a $100 bill on your nightstand before he takes off.
  20. Your friends refer to him as a nickname instead of his real name.
  21. When you ask him to hang, he says he can’t because he’s got a date.
  22. His concern over you having the flu only extends to his inability to get laid, not to your physical well-being.
  23. When you go out for drinks, you always go dutch. Literally, you don’t even switch off buying rounds.
  24. It’s been a month and he doesn’t know how you like your coffee.
  25. He is having dinner, buying drinks, sleeping over, and making plans with someone — it’s just not you. If he’s “dating” someone else in a way that’s above and beyond the way he’s dating you, you’re not actually dating, sister.
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