Tabloid Cheat Sheet: Scarlett Johansson And Ryan Reynolds Divorce? “Glee” Cheating Scandal?

It’s hump day again and since it’s springtime, we should all take a cue from the bunnies and take advantage of the verb. Looks like the celebs are busy enough for the rest of the population, at least if you believe everything you read is true. And why wouldn’t you? Wasn’t it God who invented these magical little magazines compiled of virtue and veritas? Oh, it wasn’t? Well, screw it—they’re fun, frivolous, and you don’t even have to read the whole thing because we hand-picked the juiciest stories, just for you! So now you can make time for other spring activities.

  • It’s been awhile since Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson have graced a tabloid cover, but it was totally worth the wait. Apparently, Robert told Oprah that Kristen’s preggers! But then Kristen “joked that Rob’s the one who’s pregnant,” which leads me to believe they were kidding. Dinger. The rest of the article features a “relationship expert” saying this means Rob’s baby-hungry and that they’re totally in love. Their reps have apparently confirmed that they are “together and dating, 100 percent.” Really?
  • Kate Hudson is apparently pissed at A-Rod for replacing her with Cameron Diaz. A-Rod and Diaz were seen at a New York restaurant recently, and Diaz was spotted leaving his apartment early the next morning. (Walk of shames with paparazzi must totally suck.) According to a source, Kate is “desperate to get back together with Alex and finds it humiliating that he’s chosen Cameron.” Some people are calling her new boobs “consolation implants.” That’s just mean.
  • Even though Heidi Montag was allegedly regretting her surgeries and can no longer hug, she’s still planning on a third breast augmentation. Folks are blaming Spencer. A former friend says, “I always used to think of Heidi as independent, but she’s become Spencer’s little blond puppet.” Spencer denies involvement with the surgeries though. “I’m not in charge of anything she does with any part of her body,” he says. “I’m her husband, not her owner.” But the friend says that Spencer has “a knack for figuring out someone’s weaknesses and exploiting them.” The article alleges that Heidi’s addicted to fame and the couple feeds off of each other. Ya think? [OK!]

  • In more boring Speidi news, Heidi disowned her family and this time it’s allegedly not a PR stunt. Heidi’s mom Darlene didn’t get a call from Heidi on Mother’s Day. She told Us Weekly, “Heidi and I aren’t speaking to each other right now.” On the May 11th episode of “The Hills,” Spencer said of Darlene, “She’s not god. She didn’t make Heidi. She’s just a vagina!” A friend of Spencer’s admits, “The line between the TV villain and the real villain is so blurred now. This isn’t for the cameras. This is real.” Darlene has been writing letters and trying to reach out to Heidi. Spencer’s family also isn’t talking to him; he cut them off. His parents even “took the pictures of him out of their home.” Sad face.
  • Even though they haven’t appeared to like each other on their show, Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott renewed their vows this week and invited the family, including Tori’s formerly estranged mother Candy and her kinda hunky brother Randy. Tori says, “To be with the man I love, and our beautiful children, and have my mom there made everything come full circle.” The couple is working on their issues and still see each other as soul mates. Boring. But the article did mention that included on the guest list were “guncles” (that’s “gay uncles”) Bill Horn and Scout Masterson, so at least we learned a new word!
  • Jenny McCarthy is apparently worried about Jim Carrey. Depression was a factor in their breakup. As a source says, “Jim has mood swings, from very high to very low, all over the map.” And since the split, Carrey’s Twitter has become increasingly incoherent; the tabloid mentions, “One day, Carrey tweeted the nonsensical word boing about 100 times.” One insider says, “He’s been behaving weirdly, publicly and privately,” while another source counters, “He’s just been having fun with Twitter.” [Us Weekly]

  • Matt Lauer has allegedly walked out on his wife of 12 years, after she accused him of cheating on her with at least two women. They fought for two days before the father of three moved out and his wife, Annette, stopped wearing her wedding ring. A “Today” show insider told the National Enquirer that they’ve been living apart for two months. Accusations of cheating stem from Matt’s Olympic coverage in Vancouver. Some sources saw him flirting with two Canadian broadcasters and Matt was supposed to fly back for Valentine’s Day, but canceled at the last minute. Matt also had an affair with a married woman right before their marriage in 1998 and Annette filed for a divorce and withdrew it a month later, deciding to give Matt another chance. For the children’s sake, the couple will still spend time together on the weekends.
  • Lisa Marie Presley is apparently moving to London because of recent rumors that Michael Jackson was gay. Lisa Marie publicly announced that their marriage was not a sham and her husband Michael Lockwood is helping her look for homes in the U.K. But her mother, Priscilla, is “furious that Lisa Marie is taking away her 19-month-old twin granddaughters” and thinks she’s shirking her responsibilities. But Lisa Marie doesn’t care; she’s already made friends with Prince Andrew and Fergie and wants to record her next album there.
  • Most likely, the tabloids are bitter that Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds are never caught on camera together. But the Enquirer says they are on the rocks. An insider says, “Sadly, it looks like they have been growing apart for months, there are very real fears they are headed for divorce.” An insider says that when they are together, it just reinforces their differences. “They used to help each other practice scenes. But then I think their egos got in the way. It seems like they’re always bickering about something.” [The National Enquirer]

  • After fighting for 20 years, Tatum O’Neal has made up with her dad, Ryan O’Neal. Tatum said, “He told me he’s sorry. He’s all I have in terms of family, and I need him in my life.” After winning an Oscar at age 10, Tatum entered a decades-long period of drug abuse, most recently getting arrested for trying to buy crack in 2008. Her father left her and her brother to move in with Farrah Fawcett when she was 16 years old. Tatum made peace with Farrah before her death, bringing her orchids. Tatum worried for her dad, who allegedly hit on her at Fawcett’s funeral before he realized it was his daughter. Ryan admit that he’s been a bad parent. “She didn’t want me, and she said I abandoned her, and I did,” he said. “A lot of harsh things were done, we’re starting over.”
  • It’s been four months since Susan Sarandon broke up with Tim Robbins, and apparently she’s as happy as she can be. She hasn’t addressed the rumors that she’s dating her SPiN Ping-Pong club business partner, Jonathan Bricklin, but they’ve been seen getting late-night drinks together and traveled to Machu Picchu last month. Bricklin’s brother said, “There’s no question they enjoy each other’s company. But I really got the sense that they are just business partners.”
  • Um, did you guys know that John Corbett, who plays Aidan on “Sex and The City,” is dating Bo Derek? Furthermore, John doesn’t think he’s a sex symbol. “I don’t think I have a body that everybody wants to see,” he said. But the “SATC 2″ director asked how naked he would get and Corbett says, “I said, ‘I’ll take my shirt off.’ Once I did it, it became no big deal. I’d be in a scene and say, ‘Don’t you thing I should take my shirt off?'” Apparently, Corbett met Derek on a blind date in 2002 and they promptly settled down. Corbett takes care of their horses, rides motorcycles, and plays country music—he released an album in 2006. He says of his life, “I’m not a cowboy on any level. But it’s easy to play cowboy out here. I live a simple life.” Instead of commuting for his current show, “United States of Tara,” Corbett crashes on a futon at the studio, but is happy to come home to Bo Derek. [People]

  • Matthew Morrison of “Glee” apparently has his own cheating scandal! In 2007, he was engaged to “All My Children” star Chrishell Stause, but rumors emerged that Morrison left the Tony Awards with Lea Michele, who plays Rachel on “Glee.” An insider says, “There were rumors that they’d had a fling before he was with Chrishell, and I think she was jealous of Lea.” Chrishell was devastated, having already planned the wedding. Apparently, her parents were also upset since they loved Matthew. A few months after the split, Chrishell wrote on her blog, “This is obviously a serious matter, but laughter makes it easier. Besides, it’s not Matthew’s fault that he thought MONOGAMY was a type of tree!”
  • Lindsay Lohan is in so much debt that apparently she can’t afford to pay her rent. She’s $23,000 behind. She’s also facing possible jail time for violating her DUI probation. An insider says, “She was told that she’s racked up more than $1 million in bills that creditors are demanding be settled immediately.” On top of that, her managers warned her that “several people are threatening to file lawsuits against her,” like the Austrian retail mogul Richard Lugner, who lost a bunch of money when Lindsay didn’t show up as his date to the Vienna Opera Ball. She’s started selling off her designer freebies, and a friend says she’s “desperate for money, so she doesn’t even bat an eye at letting $5,000 Chanel purses go for $500.” An insider says, “Lindsay has burned through more than $9 million in her life and has nothing to show for it. She’s in complete financial ruin.” Dun, dun, dun.
  • Our new favorite besties, Jennifer Aniston and Nicole Kidman, have been dishing about their ex-husbands on the set of “Just Go with It.” An insider says, “Nic and Jen were doubled over in laughter making fun of the guys’ quirks, nothing was off limits.” Another source says, “Jen definitely didn’t have kind words to say about Brad, she told Nicole that he may have been a sex symbol, but he could sometimes be a selfish lover.” Nicole could relate as Tom Cruise “always had to be in charge of every little detail of their lives.” Jen also felt Brad “needed to be looked after like a teenager” and Nicole said Tom “always let his mom poke around in their business.” Both women agree they’re better off and Nicole encouraged Jen to have a baby because “motherhood is the most fulfilling thing she’ll ever do.” Which caused Jen to cry. Aww. I love them! [Star]