Better Marriage Blanket Will Save Your Marriage By Repressing Farts

The divorce rate in this country is way too high, period. Many marriages break apart due to financial problems, work-related stresses, the hectic nature of raising children, and a constellation of other reasons. But not many know that a shocking secret has led to the dissolution of many of this country’s great union. And that is farts. Farts, I know, speaking from personal experience, can destroy a bond once thought unbreakable. Horrible late-night emissions, disturbing butt-gas odors, and explosive noises emanating from your significant other’s rear end can send one screaming out the front door and right to the divorce lawyer. Thankfully, for the more gaseous and also married among us, there is the Better Marriage Blanket. The blanket is made with military-grade materials that stop nightmarish farts from killing romance in the conjugal bed. I’m ordering one as soon as I find a husband! [Gizmodo]

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