What To Wear For Boobquake Day

Though it may not quite warrant a work holiday and the banks remain inexplicably open, Boobquake is upon us. Today is the day when we use our chesticles to disturb the very balance of life on earth, causing an “earthquake” with our breasts. “How does this work?” you ask. Well, if the latest BS coming out of radical Iran is to be believed, then “slutty women” have been causing earthquakes with their inappropriateness for years. Boobquake Day aims to harness our collective chestiness for the purposes of testing this questionable theory. Because this is a politically motivated excuse for cleavage, you’re going to want to make sure you do it right. We’ve got a few tips for unleashing the girls, after the jump.

  • Don’t go for overall sluttiness; this isn’t Halloween. Boobquake Day, as the title suggests, focuses specifically on the chest, so confine your near-nudity to that region.
  • This is a day for cleavage. That means it’s time to ignore the normal rules about not looking like a porn star at work. Screw subtlety in favor of lifting and padding. Victoria’s Secret can help you on that front.
  • You a fan of the crewneck? We don’t care what you like; you’re wearing a v-neck today.
  • Know what’s awesome about button-downs? They button down. See what we did there? Made it sexy.
  • This, much like Election Day, is your chance to make a political statement. So don’t miss out.
  • If, for work purposes, you still need to keep it a little classy, try a wrap dress or top.
  • Small-chested? Don’t worry, you can still contribute. Check out these tips for enhancing your assets.