I’m a 19 year-old college student and I recently met a girl at a party who was very pretty, smart and nice. We talked for a good half hour and seemed to be hitting it off. We even exchanged email addresses. Then, things suddenly went downhill. I commented that she had a “really nice, hourglass figure.” I thought she would take it as a compliment but instead she became deeply offended. I went into damage control mode and tried to clarify my comments but I think I only made things worse when I used the term “healthy.” With a look of complete disgust, WHAP!, she slapped my face and departed. As I was standing there alone rubbing my cheek, with my friends nearby laughing at me, I was wondering why she was so offended. She had a classic hourglass figure — quite busty, narrow waist, shapely hips/legs. Why can’t women embrace their curves? Btw, I do have her email address. Do you think I should send her an apology note or should I interpret the slap in the face as another way of saying she does not want to see me again? — Kevin
I was pretty sure this email was a fake, so I Googled the guy’s email address and sure enough, I found this exact same letter posted on three different websites over the past six months. Hey, Kevin! I’m going to pretend for a minute I believe your lame story and go out on a crazy limb and say that even if the slap across your face didn’t slam the window of opportunity shut, the six months that have now passed since the incident occurred certainly has. What’s wrong, Kev? Haven’t met anyone else since October who has a “really nice, hourglass figure” you can exploit and harass?
Of course, I don’t really buy Kevin’s story. I mean, I believe he’s a guy, and perhaps even 19. And I believe he has objectifying thoughts about women, but I highly doubt he’s ever had the balls to voice those opinions to a real live woman. My guess is he’s never actually had a real conversation with a woman in his whole life, let alone “hit it off” with one. But what I don’t quite understand is why he bothers sending this same lame letter to advice columnists over and over. What is he getting out of it? In what way does this provide entertainment for him? Is he hoping for us ladies to get our panties in a bunch over some dumb offensive comment from a random guy? Dude, we hear way worse comments on a daily basis! This is nothing. Does he get off on people believing he’s serious and actually giving thoughtful advice for his dilemma? Or, perhaps this is a ploy to find out why women can’t, in fact, “embrace their curves.” Maybe our dear “Kevin” is genuinely worried about the state of affairs when women with “classic hourglass figures” aren’t running around celebrating their shape and high-fiving every guy who compliments them on their hotness.
Well, here’s the thing, Kevin: A lot of women do embrace their curves. They are so confident in their bodies, in fact, that they don’t look for affirmation and validation outside themselves. They certainly don’t need the likes of some 19-year-old boy making them feel good about their bodies. I’ll say it again for you: We feel good on our own without comments from the penis gallery. You and your immature, ill-timed, attention-seeking comments aren’t what make us feel beautiful. You know what does make us feel beautiful? Laughing with our friends. Wearing a new sundress on the first warm day of the year. Eating a home-cooked meal made by someone who loves us. Doing a headstand. Getting our hair done. Smiling at a stranger on the street. These are things that make us feel beautiful. Just because you haven’t been responsible for any of these things does not mean women don’t embrace their beauty. Also? You’re lame.
*Do you have a relationship/dating question I can help with? Send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.