Dear Wendy: Will I Ever Find Love?
Wendy is stuck at jury duty this week and will hopefully—knock on wood!—be back
tomorrow or Thursday next week. Until then, here’s one of her best Dear Wendy columns.
I am the last single girl standing in my group of friends. At 26, almost 27, it probably isn’t the worst place to be but I do have concerns. Three of my best friends found their husbands through me. Basically I befriended a guy, introduced them and then a courtship started. I don’t want to sound bitter because my friends are wonderful amazing human beings and they have truly found their match in these men. My concern is that my friends have all married and it makes complete sense to me that men would want to spend their lives with them. They all are such beautiful, talented, amazing women so of course they are desirable. I’m worried that I may never find a love because in the scope of things I am just a plain ordinary girl. While I don’t necessarily think there is anything wrong with me being plain and ordinary, I am worried that I will never attract a man. How could someone choose to be with me when there are amazing women everywhere and upgrading is fairly easy? Do I have a chance at finding love or should I just get used to the fact that I might always be single? — Young Maid
Do you think it’s simply a coincidence that these “wonderful amazing” people you keep matching up are all friends with you? Clearly, there’s something magnetic about your personality that continues to draw “beautiful, talented” people into your circle. As for drawing a romantic partner, a little confidence would go a long way. Stop thinking of yourself as “plain and ordinary,” and start thinking about what makes you stand apart from the crowd. If you can’t figure it out, ask your friends what makes you special and unique. And while you’re at it, let your friends know you’re ready for love and wouldn’t mind being set up. After playing marriage matchmaker for three couples, it seems you’ve certainly earned a little payback (as well as major karma points!).
In the meantime, don’t get too hung up on your age (which is still so young!!), or being the only single person in your group of friends. There’s no timetable for finding love, and who’s to say whether your friends would even be married by now if you hadn’t been kind enough to introduce them to men you thought they’d like? Not having met the right person yet at almost 27 doesn’t mean you’re plain and ordinary, or that you’re destined to be alone forever — it just means you get a little more time to enjoy your independence and playing the field (lucky you!) while your friends are tied to one person. Use the time to explore your unique interests and hobbies. Join clubs and activities where you might mingle with other single people, not only for the chance at meeting eligible men, but to remind yourself you aren’t the only single person out there. The bonus is that a confident woman with a full life is incredibly attractive to men. They see a woman with a strong circle of friends, hobbies she loves, and varied interests as desirable and exciting to be around. That woman can be you — you just have to start believing it can.
*Do you have a relationship/dating question I can help with? Send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.