Code Red! Your Girlfriend Has Her Period Right Now!

You turn on The Weather Channel for tornado warnings. You turn on the local radio for flood warnings. But what about those, um, natural disasters a little closer to home? Meet a new iPhone app — purportedly just for men — called Code Red: A Survival Guide To Her Monthly Cycle. Yes, boys, you can pay $1.99 to be alerted on your smart phone the exact days of the month your lady’s egg drops down her fallopian tubes. Like other menstruation cycle trackers available as iPhone apps (such as the PMS Buddy and PMS Meter) the Code Red tracks the days of a woman’s cycle on a “fully automated menstrual calendar,” but it also “will send special alert messages for every phase.” You’ll get the “PMS Alert” during her craa-aazy PMS time, an “Ovulation Alert” when she’s ovulating and, of course, there’s a “Code Red” alert during the big week. Poor befuddled men can get “helpful suggestions to survive each phase,” too. Klassy!

Really, guys, if her PMS or period is so bad that you need to be “warned” about it Weather Channel-style, don’t you think you should, say, become a little more observant?

But clearly that’s behind why they chose Code Red for the name — red for period blood, of course, but also the “code red” pun because men need to be warned of a woman’s scary, scary period! (Why is that scene in “The Little Mermaid” on the boat where a sailor screams “HURRICANE A-COMIN’!” popping into my head?)

As The Washington Post puts it, “At a deep cultural level, one might speculate that the proliferation of these apps all ties into some deep fear of womanhood — an attempt by men to make sense of what they do not understand.”

Save yourself the two bucks, my dears, and just pay more attention to your lady. [The Washington Post]