Wendy is stuck at jury duty this week and will hopefully—knock on wood!—be back
tomorrow or Thursday next week. Until then, here’s one of her best Dear Wendy columns.
I’ve recently started dating a super smart, weird, quirky, cute, funny and beautiful girl. I never like anyone, but I like her. There’s one minor (hairy) issue. She doesn’t keep things very trimmed down there. Now, before you get angry, let me preface this by saying that I really don’t need a Brazilian on my girl (or even anything really from the South American continent, for that matter)– just a nice landing strip. Is that too much to ask for? Those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, so I do keep my things regularly trimmed. We’ve only been dating for a month or so, but we’ve spent a lot of time together (it’s a long distance thing, so we’ve basically spent the past few weekends totally together = relationship time warp), so I feel as if this isn’t jumping the gun or anything to think about long term personal grooming habits. am I being a superficial douche? Isn’t it fair to ask for some quid pro quo trimming? I think yes. If you agree, my ultimate question is: how do I broach the trimming subject with my long distance girl? What strategies do you have? — Hair Hater
First of all, a “nice landing strip” isn’t exactly the same thing as keeping things “nicely trimmed.” Do you want your new “super smart, weird, quirky, cute, funny and beautiful” girlfriend to be well-groomed or to look like a porn star? A landing strip requires a little more maintenance than the regular trimming you do on yourself. The kind of landing strip style you see in magazines and movies usually requires regular waxing, which is both expensive and painful (not to mention time-consuming).
How important is this “one minor issue” to you? If it’s a matter of making your girlfriend “perfect,” keep in mind, she’s human and no matter how close to perfection she seems this early in your relationship (and yes, a month, no matter how much of a “time warp” you feel like you’re in, is still very early in a relationship), putting her on a pedestal pretty much guarantees she — and the relationship — will disappoint you. You may get her to trim things now, but eventually it’ll be another issue that keeps her from being perfect in your eyes. So, pick your battles, and allow that your girlfriend, like you and everyone else, isn’t supposed to be flawless.
If this issue is indeed minor and you’re still attracted to her and able to enjoy, say, performing oral sex, I say let it go a while and appreciate all the many qualities you do like about her. Maybe a few months down the road when you’ve developed more trust and more history together, you can casually mention that you’d like to see how she looks with a little trim down there. If, however, her bush is a wild, untamed beast and it’s keeping you from fully enjoying intimacy with her, then, yes, you can very subtly and very carefully tiptoe around the idea of her getting a trim.
How do you bring it up, you ask? Well, not when she’s naked or in any other vulnerable state. Since you’re long-distance, I’d take advantage of the phone. The next time one of your phone chats steers a little towards the sexy side (and don’t be afraid to take the wheel to get it there), ask if she’s ever experimented with different pubic hair styles. Wait for her verbal cues. If you get a positive response, tell her you think she’d look really cute with shorter hair. It’s important to keep this light and flirtatious! Remember, you’re not placing demands on her — you’re merely making flirty suggestions. I’d refrain from using the term “landing strip,” though, unless you don’t mind the idea of never having sex with her again.
*Do you have a relationship/dating question I can help with? Send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.