Fake Karl’s Advice For Coping With The Recession

Sure, the recession has hit us normal people hard. But no one, according to Fake Karl, has it quite as bad as the wealthy fashionistas and fashionistos out there. Karl has decided to take it upon himself to instruct the rich on “how to do things” so they can get by. Since all of us could use a refresher course on “things,” first up in Karl’s Guide To Doing Things For The Rich has a hilarious rundown on supermarkets. Here, a few basics:

“The first thing to remember about supermarkets is that they don’t have a doorman. However, most of them do seem to have ‘auto-matic doors’, which open when you step close to them. You can experiment with different techniques for doing this: the most common is simply to walk near the door, stop, wait for the doors to open and then walk through. It’s also possible to hold your hands in front of the door, say ‘OPEN, PROLETARIAN DOOR!’ and it will open. In fact, one can say as many things as one wants to say, and the doors will open. I think they’re a wonderful invention … TIP: Don’t wear couture to the supermarket, it could get damaged, and often won’t fit through the ‘gates’. I went to the supermarket with my friend Daphne Guinness the other day- she wore the Yohji Yamamoto ‘wedding dress’ which requires several people to hold it up. It was a challenge getting it into the store, as you can imagine.”

We are so going to shout “Open Proletarian Door!” the next time we’re at Stop & Shop. To help you out with your grocery shopping, you can of course pick up a 100 percent organic cotton Fake Karl tote bag to get the job done right. (That last part is actually true! Check out the cute merch, above!) [FakeKarl.com]