“Shortcuts” is a new feature of “Dear Wendy” in which I answer readers’ letters in two sentences or less because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Here we go with round four …
I went on a date five days ago and it was probably one of the best dates I’ve had in a long time, if not ever. I met the woman online about a month ago and we have had great conversations via e-mail up until this point. Also, at her insistence, we met during the daytime since she is leery about meeting people for the first time at night. After the date ended, we both drove off in the same direction but she stopped to get gas, ending our little flirting session we had going on. I stopped for some groceries a few miles up the road and then headed on my merry way. After a few minutes of driving, I noticed I had pulled up alongside her while passing (I tend to speed). She saw me and didn’t flip out but I could tell it rattled her. I called her the next day to thank her for the date and try to set up another one, but she didn’t pick up and hasn’t returned my call. I’d normally write this woman off except we had an amazing time on the date and now I’m afraid this woman thinks I’m a stalker and extremely creepy! Is there a good way I can tell her I was not stalking her or should I just chalk this up as bad luck that I now look like a creep to her? — Fast Driver
Without using or alluding to the word “stalker,” send her one more short email telling her what a great time you had and how you hoped she might be interested in going out again. If you don’t hear back within three days, delete her address, move on and be sure to give the next woman plenty of driving room between you.
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for two years now. We recently have been going through some major road bumps. He feels as if he doesn’t love me as much anymore, and he doesn’t know if he wants to be with me or not. My mind and heart keep telling me to fight for us, but physically I don’t know if I can do it anymore. I can’t eat or sleep. I’m becoming physically ill. I don’t want to let this go, because I love him so much. His family keeps assuring me that he’ll come back to me if we do break up, but I don’t want to rely on something that may not happen. The main dilemma between us is that he feels like we spend too much time together, so since we live together I’m going to move out as soon as possible. He wants to hang out with friends, go out whenever he wants … and that’s understandable. We’re young, and I don’t want him to feel like we’re married. What should I do? Cut my losses and move on? Or stay and fight? — Desperate
Girl, those aren’t “road bumps” you’re experiencing in your relationship, they’re rocky paths that all lead to one big dead-end! Your boyfriend’s fallen out of love and would rather spend his time in other people’s company, so cut your losses and move on — as hard as it is to hear, there’s nothing left to fight for.
I’ve been dating “Dr. O” for about a month or so. He is very successful, down to earth, smoking hot, funny, kind and we are the exact same age (32). Our backgrounds are VERY similar and our personalities complement each other. The red flag, which I picked up on rather quickly, is the fact that he is a functioning alcoholic and the amount of beer/pills he consumes daily frightens me. He refuses to walk his dog or even walk around the block with me after he has been drinking because he does not want his neighbors to see him drunk. The drinking has a huge impact on our sex life, which barely exists because he usually passes out before we can even get started. It keeps him in a haze where he will repeat the same stories all the time because he doesn’t remember he already told them to me. He has said he’s still getting over his last two long-term failed relationships so he is obviously not ready for a healthy relationship with me. I know I deserve better but we both have co-dependency issues and for some reason I can’t turn him down when he wants me to come over. Some people are telling me to just walk away and others are saying wait and see. I don’t know what to do because I absolutely love being around him (when he’s not wasted!) — Hot for Doc
Um, this guy isn’t just waving a couple of red flags — he’s been full-on baptized in the deep waters of the Red Sea. Hitch a ride to the nearest lifeboat and get yourself to dry land before you drown in an ocean of denial.
*Do you have a relationship/dating question I can help with? Send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.