Visit any website for women, and you’re bound to find posts on how to figure out whether or not he’s “The One.” If he does this, he is. If he does this, he’s not. After a while, all the TMI turns into a tsunami, and you wonder what the hell to think when you finally find yourself out on a date. But I’ve got a theory. I think a guy will tell you within the first hour of meeting him what’s wrong with him. And, face it, something is. The same way there’s something “wrong” with you. Which isn’t to say there’s anything “wrong” with either of you, exactly. It’s really more what we think is wrong with us, and going into a relationship what we all want to know is: But will you love me anyway?I think most people go into relationships expecting to figure out at some point down the line whether or not this is their mate-for-life. They’ll have a few dinners, go to the movies, make out. They’ll have sex, get monogamous, declare themselves in a relationship. They’ll move in together, talk about what they want for the future, and share their dreams. Somewhere along the way, they hope there’ll be a moment of realization: OMG, he’s/she’s THE ONE.
I used to believe that. Now? I think that’s crap. I think a guy will tell you exactly what his deal is within the first hour of meeting each other. I’m not talking about the fact that he’s a snappy dresser, or a terrific lover, or really great at sharing his feelings. I mean he’s going to tell you what his most dysfunctional quality is, straight up, within 60 minutes. If he’s afraid of commitment, a habitual liar, or has a history as a cheater, he won’t conceal this from you. He will tell you.
This doesn’t mean he’s going to walk up and say, “I have intimacy issues,” or “I get involved, and then I walk,” or “I have an STD I might not tell you about prior to the first time we have sex.” But he will let you know what his issue is. Maybe it’ll be oblique, maybe it’ll be indirect. Nevertheless, he will tell you what it is. The trick is you have to be ready and willing to hear it.
The bottom line is that when it comes to romance, we’re all, to one degree or another, anxious. In reality, we don’t conceal our true selves. We reveal them almost immediately. We can’t stand the not-telling. Faced with a potential love-interest, we want to know, “If I show you who I am, will you still want me?”
Here’s what you can’t do once he spills the beans: ignore it. Because most of us have been there. “What did he say?” you think. “Maybe he didn’t mean it that way.” Oh, but maybe he did. If you listen, really listen, to what a guy is saying, you’ll find that between the lines he’ll tell you exactly who he is, and then it’s up to you decide if you want to stay or go.