Who’s The Better Sexter: Jesse James Or Tiger Woods?

Another day, another woman who had an affair with Jesse James. Merilee Gerth is a former West Coast Choppers employee who was getting down with the boss. “Merilee looks like all of Jesse’s other mistresses,” a source blabbed to Radar. “She’s in her mid to late thirties, has long black hair, blue eyes, pale skin and is covered in tattoos.” When the two stopped doing the horizontal polka in 2007, Jesse allegedly fired Merliee, who hired scandal-tastic lawyer Gloria Allred and sued him for sexual harassment. The case was settled out of court, for supposedly six figures.

Of course, Jesse left a trail of text messages on Merilee’s phone. Interestingly, the texts remind us a whole lot of the ones Tiger Woods sent to his assorted mistresses. After the jump, a side-by-side comparison of the philandering duo’s SMS masterpieces.

On Their Identity Jesse to Brigitte Daguerre: I’ll be your monkey. Tiger to Jamiee Grubbs: i’m bone thugs in harmony
Showing Off Proper Grammar Jesse to Merliee Gerth: When are you gonna be back?

Merilee: Noon…..Want me to resched?

Jesse: Naaw isss ok just get no love anymore……

Jaimee Grubs to Tiger: I drove out for the night to surprise a friend with a friend with a present for there birthday

Tiger: what kind of present your naked body

On Unrequited Love Jesse to Merilee Gerth: You coulda came in……

Merilee: You have a ‘do not disturb’ sign up on your door.

Jesse: So

Merilee: So I’m not disturbing you!

Jesse: You might be…..but you’ve seen it before.

Jaimee Grubbs to Tiger: i apprecaite u not wanting to wake me up but if u couldn’t sleep I would rather have sat up and talked to u more…find out why I keep falling more and more for you ; )

Tiger: because I’m blasian : )

Jaimee: come back : (

Asking The Important Questions Jesse to Michelle McGee: You need it?

Michelle: Yup

Jesse: Speaking of licking??

Tiger to Joslyn James: Do you ever hook up with other guys or girls

Tiger: You didnt answer the question

Tiger: Ok. I would like to have a threesome with you and another girl you trust. Does that excite you at all or no

Getting Dirt(ier) Jesse to Merliee Gerth: Need anything before I split?…..

Merilee: Some tums

Jesse: I have some special fluid that you can drink and i t makes it all better….

Tiger to Joslyn James: I have to leave for an appearance at 430 but i will be back at 730 for dinner and lots of dessert with you. How about a quickie before i go:)

Tiger: Have you ever had a golden shower done to you. Just morbid curiosity

Tiger: Really. You. You have done just about everything havent you

[Radar, DeadSpin, PopCrunch]