I’ve never been a believer in the “power of positive thinking,” but I may be changing my ideas about keeping a constructive and happy outlook on life. I was in a real funk throughout the winter, and it was just today, as I was skipping around town running errands, that I realized I’m fully out of my dark phase. I can pinpoint this change because of two very concrete things: 1.) the sun being out and the temperatures rising, bringing out the cherry tree blossoms and generally making Paris slowly wake up in color; 2.) finally feeling over Alex. I have been very careful to monitor my thoughts about him. The usual thing that happens is something reminds me of a moment with him, and my heart aches for a moment while I say to myself, Oh, Alex. Sigh. What happened? It lasts for a second, a flash, and could happen as many as 20 times a day. A few weeks ago, I noticed the frequency had tapered to some 5-10 times a day. But now what’s amazing me is when I stop to think, When’s the last time you thought about Alex? I feel good that I can tell myself that it was yesterday, or even the day before.
But above all, I’ve just had a good feeling (like I mentioned in my last post) that spring in Paris is going to be great, and that things are going to start happening for me. And I truly believe that because I’m in this mindset, they are.Perhaps “positive thinking” has a lot more to do with being proactive than anything else. I’ve been getting out more, having coffee with new acquaintances, and catching up with some friends I’ve let fall out of touch. This is paying off, because, out of these little exchanges, I’ve gotten info for free tennis lessons (which I’ve started doing once a week), found some real encouragement to start exercising again, and … even got a date out of it. Yes.
On Friday afternoon, my cell rang, and it was kind of serendipitous that I felt compelled to pick up, because normally I never answer an unfamiliar number. It was a man’s voice, and for a second, I was certain it was American Boy (I’d run into him just last week), and felt nervous. But no. It took a while for the fellow on the phone to explain what he was getting at. In short, he’s a friend of my new girlfriend Hannah, and wanted to know if I’d be his plus-one for a group dinner that night. I paused, uncertain of what to say. My body physically felt like that scenario would be tiring and probably awkward, but my positive thinking whispered to me: Why the hell not? So, I accepted
And guess what? I had a great time. My date, Richard, was a complete gentleman. He’s a totally brainy type and the kind of guy who doesn’t take his eyes off you the whole evening and makes sure you don’t feel left out of the conversation. At the end of the night, we had a pretty fantastic kiss. We have dinner plans for later this week.
I’m not sure how I feel about Richard, but am not trying to make myself come to any conclusions right now. This is my new thing—taking things as they come, understanding your feelings as they develop. So, of course, I’m not putting all my eggs in one basket, and am opening myself up to whatever else (be it a cute boy to date, or a future husband) the universe has to throw my way.