20 Things We Could Never Do, In Bed

If you’ve read our writing about relationships and sexy times, you can just imagine how spicy we Frisky bloggers’ single lives have been. Certainly, we have heard it all and seen it all. But baby — especially after those crazy Wikipedia sex moves — it’s clear; we still haven’t done it all. And we’re OK with that. While we hopefully won’t be on the meat market forever, we have decided there are some things we’ve got to cut from our sexual menu. Maybe we’re getting old and set in our ways, but we know what we like between the sheets. Of course, our motto is do it ‘til your satisfied, no judgment on what gets you there. But we just can’t bring ourselves to do some things. Even we internet tramps have our limits, apparently.

20 Things We Could Never Do In Bed

  1. Call him “Daddy”
  2. Give up the booty hole … again and again.
  3. Orgasm with our eyes open — not physically possible. It’s a mystery.
  4. Wear underwear with a zipper over the crotch. Ouch!
  5. Make animal noises.
  6. Baby talk or wear a diaper.
  7. Draw blood like Billy Bob and Angelina Jolie.
  8. Wear a furry suit — too sweaty!
  9. Have a threesome with a sex doll.
  10. Let him, uh, finish on the face.
  11. Get shaved by a razor-wielding partner, or worse yet, get waxed via a home wax pot.
  12. Indulge in a rape fantasy.
  13. Water sports.
  14. Do “sexy” clown.
  15. Anything fecal-related. Heck, it takes us a long time just to work up the courage to do it in your toilet!
  16. Role-play with a real gun or knife.
  17. Make out with a chick we’re not into just for a dude’s amusement.
  18. Forgive you for saying someone else’s name
  19. Indulge a fart fetish, even if it would get us a free burrito.
  20. Pretend we’re satisfied when we’re not.

Where do you draw the line?