20 Things To Never Say To A Woman In Bed

Personally, I’m a girl who likes a man to make a little — OK, a lot — of noise in bed and I’m known for being a bit, um, vocal myself. But while it’s easy to say all the right things (her name, any variation on “this is the best sex ever!”), there are also some utterances that will bring the bed-rockin’ action to a serious halt. Here are just 20 things to never, ever, ever say to a woman in bed.

  1. Another woman’s name unless you’re role-playing.
  2. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. It’s huge.”
  3. “I already came.”
  4. “Didn’t you come yet?”
  5. “Who’s your daddy?”
  6. “Mommy, hold me!”
  7. “Now that’s the situation!”
  8. “Can you be quiet?”
  9. “You’re my first.”
  10. “I dunno, I think Michelle McGee is kind of hot.”
  11. “I prefer the room to be pitch-black.”
  12. “Well, that was alright.”
  13. “Can you make me a sandwich now?”
  14. “Oh s**t, my d**k’s asleep!”
  15. “Yikes! Wrong hole.”
  16. “What did you think of Eat, Pray, Love?”
  17. “You taste almost as good as my last girlfriend.”
  18. Ohnoohnoohnoohnoohno!!!!
  19. “It’s OK. Most girls I’ve been with can’t orgasm either.”
  20. “We’d better hurry, ‘Dancing With The Stars’ is almost on.”
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