What We Would’ve Asked In The Tiger Woods Press Conference

Yesterday, Tiger Woods sat down for the first press conference in which reporters could actually ask him questions. Sadly, of the 48 questions pitched at Tiger, most of them were soft balls (sorry for the mixed sports metaphors), like “How did it feel to win tournaments while leading a secret life?” and “What will you do to show more respect for the game in the future?” [ESPN]

After the jump, the questions we would’ve asked Tiger had we been let into the room.

  • What is the total number of ladies you slept with?
  • Which of your mistresses is the best in bed?
  • Have you deleted all their phone numbers by now, or what?
  • Why would you have unprotected sex? Condoms aren’t so bad, ya know.
  • How do you keep your teeth so white? Whitening toothpaste? Veneers?
  • We heard you like to spank — but do you like to BE spanked?
  • What is your safe word?
  • Are you finding that more or fewer women are throwing themselves at you now than before? What does that say about our society?
  • What kind of lies did you tell your wife to cover up your exploits?
  • Is the dudes rumor true?
  • You’re pretty kinky, according to those text messages Joslyn James released. Are you just kinky on the side, or with the mother of your children, too?
  • You obviously are a big fan of porn stars. What’s your favorite porno of all time?

Yeah, tact is not our thing. What would you have asked him?