Debate This: Should You Have Sex Before Marriage Or Long-Term Commitment?

Dating, though full of ups and downs and highs and lows, is something that most of us do to find that special person who thinks you’re a lovely creature even after oral surgery, when your face is swollen and you’re drooling on the pillowcase every night for a week.  When dating leads to marriage, some will enter into married life with a fair share of sexual experiences under their La Perla thongs.  Maybe your love life looked something like this: a nerve-wracked first date, an optimistic second date, and a third date that began with telling your girlfriends, “I will not sleep with him,” and ended with you waking up next to a guy with a back mole that freaked you out, staring at the ceiling, thinking, “Why did I sleep with him?”

Despite the regret that comes from sleeping with various Mr. Wrongs, there’s a plus side to sowing your wild oats, like not wondering “shoulda, coulda, woulda.” On the flip side, there are plenty of ladies out there who save themselves for The One, resolute in the belief that anyone worth spending eternity with is worth waiting for until “I do.” Of course, there are those who, by nothing more than coincidence, end up marrying the first person they slept with. I posed the question to a group of both sexually active folks and those who waited for Mr. Right, and got some very thoughtful (and funny) responses.

Should You Have Sex Before Marriage Or Long-Term Commitment?
No, I’m happy I waited.
Yes, test-drive a few models before you buy!
“When it is a known and mutual agreement to get to know someone without sex always being at the end of the date, you realize that you want to continue to see that person again and again and it is because of a connection that is much deeper than a physical one. Once you get to know someone without the sex getting in the way, you are able to realize that no matter what happens once you get to the sex, there is a lifetime to practice and make it perfect. And let’s be honest, I married the right man, so it only took a few days to realize — thank you, Jesus — you have given me the RIGHT man with the PERFECT parts!” – Jessica

“Why did I wait?  Simple.  Men will have sex with anything.” – Gigi 

“Sure, variety is the spice of life and there’s a lot to learn from different people, but the same way you can learn from a lot of people there’s plenty to learn from one person.” – Peter

“My situation was one of circumstance and not planning; I met my now husband when I was 20.  At this point, we have known each other and been together for 10 years. Yes, there is some monotony in that. But you cannot fake or short-cut time and history. Over the past 10 years we have grown up together into super kick-ass adults. We’ve built the life we want, together, and in so doing have laid the foundation of an amazing relationship that I have only occasional doubt will endure till death do us part (even with the ‘Oh my God, we got married too young and didn’t explore enough’ meltdowns). The number of partners we had prior to one another is but a footnote in the story of our relationship.”– Dolly 

“When you go shopping and you are going to make a huge investment on that adorable Diane von Furstenberg wrap dress, you try it on, right?  What about getting married without ever trying on your wedding dress? You saw it — but you don’t know how it fits.  Marriage is a huge investment.  A huge part of marriage is sexual compatibility. So I believe you should try it out. However, I believe that in order to have sex you should be a responsible human being that holds yourself fully accountable to the possible consequences of sex.” – Jenna

“We only have one life … and once you go down the aisle it’s really only one penis for the rest of your life! Go out and meet a few (penises!). Sow — then you’ll know!” – Kelly

“You have to experience more than one.  That’d be like wearing cotton your entire life and then one day slipping on cashmere.” – Annie

“I would suggest to any/all virgins, no two penises are the same! I don’t want to wonder, ‘What if?’” – Sarah 

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