The 5 Most Obnoxious Things People Usually Say While Discussing Date Rape

  1. That’s what happens when …

    “That’s what happens” is just another way to say “boys will be boys,” meaning it is another way to level some of the blame on the victim instead of squarely on the perpetrator where it belongs. Saying “that’s what happens” to the victim is dismissive and unust. Sexually assaulted by a drunk guy at a party when you were drunk, too? That’s what happens when you get drunk around a drunk rapist. Sexually assaulted walking home alone at 2a.m.? That’s what happens when you’re out alone in the middle of the night with no one to protect you from a rapist. Sexually assaulted when you were passed out and couldn’t defend yourself? That’s what you get for passing out and not being able to defense yourself from a rapist. You get the ida.

  2. Silence is the same thing as consent, or “Not saying no is the same thing as saying yes.”

    Everyone flips their shizz when anyone suggests that sex should have consent. (Google the words “Antioch college” and “rape” for proof of this.) Somebody — usually the type of woman or man who writes the anti-feminist stuff — immediately overreacts and makes accusations that you’re “ruining” sex by requiring that two people ask each other permission before they do anything together. No, no, and once again, no. No one seriously believes I should have to verbally ask my boyfriend “Can I kiss your lips?”, “Can I unbutton your pants?” or “Can I take out your penis and stroke it?” But there has to be some kind of consent — whether it’s verbal articulation, like “That feels good!” or “Yes, yes!” or just happy noises, like “Mmm!” — for sexual activity to be kosher. Especially during the first, or first couple, of sexual incidents. If I unbuttoned my boyfriend’s pants and started playing with his penis and he did not verbally or physically indicate to me that he liked and wanted to encourage this behavior, I would stop. I have no idea whatsoever why someone would kiss, grope, have sex with, etc. another person who is lying there passively and/or is not fully engaged. He or she not consenting — in fact, it doesn’t sound like they’re at all interested — so why is their sex partner persisting? That is how date rape happens.

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