I am curious about a dream I had last night. Before I share the dream, I should give you the background.
In college, I had a near-affair with a close friend. Unfortunately, the timing and where we were in life was all wrong and we ended up severing all ties in 2003. We got back in touch this past October. He was going through some difficult things at that time, and said that he wasn’t very good at maintaining relationships. It has in fact been very difficult to communicate with him at all on any subject, no matter how impersonal. In December, he informed me that he “couldn’t offer me the kind of closeness [I] wanted.” Note: what I wanted was never discussed. But he said he didn’t want to stop talking altogether. I have not heard from him since, nor do I expect to in the future.
Now here’s the dream: My friend and I were in my apartment, which in my dream was the attic of an old wood-framed house. The floor, ceiling and walls were all of some kind of warm-colored wood. The room was lit by candles, with a few pools of light and a lot of shadows. My friend was in the apartment, and this confused me. Usually I visit him, I thought, and then I remembered that we weren’t really friends anymore. We were sitting across from each other at a small, square table with a small box (maybe 18″ x 18″) between us. The box was heaped full of bits of tile, tiles that looked like they belonged to other parts of the house. There were three colors: black, a shade of off-white, and bottle green. We had to find where they belonged and put them back, and it seemed like an impossible puzzle.
Then we were sitting on my bed, because it was the only place to sit. We leaned against the wall, this time side by side. He was complaining about some girl he was dating and I was trying to be helpful and supportive, despite feeling kind of hurt about it. I thought he would never stop talking about this wretched woman, and I actually stopped listening. My attention was brought back by the realization that his face was awfully close to mine, and he was now talking about me. I was incredibly confused about what was happening, and then he kissed me. That kiss had a presence and a weight I don’t normally experience in dreams, and perhaps that’s why it’s bothering me. Anyway, any insight you might have would be most appreciated. – Awkward Reunion
Everything about this dream spells confusion and mixed signals! Confusion about your relationship with this guy, confusion about your feelings for him, confusion about his feelings for you, confusion about what you two might have become.
Let’s start with your apartment. When you dream of being in your home, it usually represents you. I think your apartment was the attic of an old house because this relationship and your feelings about it are very old. The attic of a house usually represents the conscious mind or the head, where the basement would represent the unconscious mind. That leads me to believe you have spent a lot of time analyzing or trying to figure this whole situation out. I probably would have too if I were you.
This feeling of confusion is only amplified by the seemingly romantic lighting. Would you light candles for a friend? Probably not. And then there is the box full of tiles, which seems to be a symbol of your relationship with this man – literally a puzzle that you cannot put together. It’s a collection of mixed signals and the tiles give me the sense that things are delicate and easily shattered. The tiles may seem random sitting there in that box, but if put together logically, they could also make a beautiful mosaic.
Then this guy is on your bed talking about another woman. Yet another mixed signal. You feel irritated that he is treating you as a friend while he is on your bed yet you feel confused again when he kisses you. What do you want from him? I don’t think you know. The kiss feels so poignant in the dream because this situation is weighing on your mind. It’s not over for you yet. The dream suggests that you haven’t had closure with this situation yet.
This is such a giant question mark for you. No wonder you feel unsettled. It sounds like you two have been sending each other mixed signals for a very long time. My question for you is: are you able to move on and bring closure to the situation without ever talking to this guy again? If the answer is yes, then I suggest to do whatever you need to mentally or emotionally to close his chapter in your book. If the answer is no, I would recommend giving the friendship (or whatever the heck it is) one last shot by speaking with him honestly. Let him know how you really feel and what you really want, since it sounds like he made a lot of assumptions. Clear the air with honesty. If he is not receptive, then you will know that you did all you could. And hopefully you can move forward with a sense of confidence and peace about the situation.
Have you had any crazy dreams lately? Dying to know what their hidden meaning is? No need to rush to your therapist’s office. The Dreamweaver is here to help. Email me your funniest, weirdest, wildest, and wackiest dreams and I’ll tell you what’s going on. In the meantime, find out what other common dreams mean by reading my past columns.