Why One Woman Pursues Unavailable Men

I had entertained a crush on a heretofore unattainable man for 10 years when he wrote me out of the blue one day to see if I was interested. Suddenly all the latent Harlequin romance of my heart lit up like a pinball machine. At last, here was My Romance. At the time, I was living in Los Angeles; he was living in Maine. For our first date, he came to my mother’s wedding in Colorado. On our second date we met in Las Vegas at Christmas (no, we did not get married). For our third date, I moved to the other side of the country. Based on my relationship history, or at least on my history of crushes on unattainable men, this fit the pattern. My castle-in-the-sky construction of an unavailable man generally begins with a circumstantial meet (he was seated next to me in class or at the wedding of mutual friends, etc.), not any actual planning. From there, generally a single factor makes him unattainable: geography, lifestyle, or a significant other. Notwithstanding, in my mind’s eye, the unattainable man is always somehow “the One,” and I hope he will begin to think of me the way I think of him—cycle and repeat. Of course, the first unattainable man I ever hoped would notice me was my father. Read more

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