I was perusing Men’s Health this morning, seeing what words of wisdom it was doling out to its readers these days when I found something that may actually be of more “help” to a female audience. The article, called “Sexy Things Women Have Told Men’s Health Readers,” may give us ladies some insight into what sorts of lines make an impact on the opposite sex. I, for one, am completely surprised by what some men consider “sexy.” Check out some of the more humorous entries after the jump.
4. “Let’s go get some barbecue and get busy.”
Swap “barbecue” for “salami sandwiches” and I think we’ve just stumbled on my husband’s biggest fantasy.
5. “Do you want to bring your beer with you in case you lose any fluids?”
Not to split hairs or whatever, but wouldn’t this line have been “sexier” — and certainly more succinct if the woman simply said, “I gotcha some beer”? The whole “fluids” thing seems kinda like a boner-killer, but what do I know? I’m just a girl.
6. “If I don’t kiss you before the night is over, I’ll consider my year a failure.”
A woman said this?! Really? Ladies, correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t this sound like the kind of thing a guy would practice saying to himself before a big date and then say at some inopportune moment when words are superfluous and an actual kiss would have sufficed?
8. “I would feel so safe lying beneath you.”
Not if he’s crushing you, you wouldn’t. I guess this is supposed to be some clever variation of “I feel so safe in your arms”?
9. “If you ever discuss your girlfriend problems with another woman, you will end up sleeping with her. So … tell me about your girlfriend problems.”
Psycho alert! Psycho alert!
10. “Is your mustache functional, or is it purely for decoration?”
I don’t even want to begin thinking about what sort of function a mustache might serve.
11. “You’re my daddy.”
All kinds of wrong. ALL kinds of wrong.
12. She pointed to her eye, then made a circle with her finger and thumb, stuck her other forefinger through it, and pointed at him.
… and then the bell rang, indicating the end of recess.
15. “I’m feeling dirty. I think I’ll take a shower.”
I get the first part, and I get the second part, but I just don’t get them together. Do you?
18. “Bursting into tears just after sex: ‘I just love you so much!’”
Show me a guy who truly thinks this is sexy and I’ll show you a cat that enjoys getting declawed at the vet.
24. “It hurts, but I love it when you do it.”
What would Freud say?
Anyway, Frisky ladies, I’m now curious about what sexy things a man has said to you. Email me (firstname.lastname@example.org) the hottest lines you’ve gotten or leave them in the comments and I’ll do a round-up post of the best ones.