Susannah And I Have Broken Up
Sad face, you guys. It seems like only this morning that Susannah told you our wonderful news –that she and I are in love and engaged to be married. Or we were — but Jesse James strikes again. This afternoon, while sipping chai lattes and holding hands at the Starbucks around the corner, Suze and I got into a little debate. It was friendly at first, but then got heated. You see, Susannah, for some reason, thinks Sandra Bullock should forgive Jesse James for being a complete tool, whereas I think she should divorce him without looking back. Y’all, our fight got so bad that they kicked us out of Starbucks! I suddenly realized that I didn’t want to spend eternity with someone who could be SO dead wrong about something so important. Also, there were “sexual issues” which I would rather not discuss at this time, but suffice it to say, Susannah needs, um, therapy. So it’s over. I need time to heal, but I should be fine by 5:30.
Anyway, thanks for celebrating our love, however short-lived it may have been. Don’t worry — Susannah and I are complete professionals. This will not affect either of our work on The Frisky — if anything, it’ll improve things, since she and I won’t need to sneak off to make out in the stairwell anymore.