I just woke up from a strange dream and need your analysis. In my dream, a pretty woman picks me up from my office for a dinner date. (I’m not a lesbian in real life, by the way.) She’s dressed like a guy and is seemingly laid-back and quiet, with an intense smile. We are seated in our booth and make small talk. She keeps picking on the waiter by ordering really specific things. Apparently, when our entrees arrive, she is unhappy and excuses herself from the table. I’m still seated and soon I hear loud arguing coming from the dining room. I refuse to turn around because I’m pretty sure my date is yelling at the waiter. I feel people glancing over at me and I’m embarrassed. Soon, she returns, looking disheveled and bruised. I ask if everything’s OK and she smiles at me and says, “Yes, but we have to leave.” So, we leave without paying for or eating our meals. Once we return to my office’s parking lot, she stops in the middle of the road to let me out, without a word. She also glances at the message on my phone from a colleague asking to meet up for drinks later on (not a date, just a friend). I tell her “thank you for the evening” and open her backseat to get my laptop and gym bag out. Before I can get a firm grasp on my bags, I feel the car pulling away; luckily, I’m holding on to them and they slide out of the car as she starts to drive off. Her car doors are still open and she stops to close them. I reach the car before she can and ask why she just pulled off. She barely looks at me and says, “I thought you got everything you needed.” I just walk away looking for my car, feeling angry. What does this mean? — Dating Nightmare
I bet you were relieved when you woke up from that dud of a date. This dream is a great example of what Carl Jung calls the shadow – the part of our unconscious mind that represents our weaknesses, shortcomings, or things we are not able to acknowledge about ourselves. Our shadow is usually represented by someone of the same sex that we don’t know in real life. I believe your date in the dream is your shadow. So let’s look at what she says and does in the dream for clues about deeper meaning.
First of all, this woman is driving, which lets me know that you don’t really feel in control of the aspect of yourself that she represents. You’re not in the driver’s seat. She makes all of the decisions on the date, none of which you agree with, and then at the end she leaves you without a ride and you can’t find your car. In what ways do you feel out of control in your life?
At first your date is beautiful, laid-back, masculine, and intense, but as the night goes on, you discover she is aggressive, combative, hostile, and inconsiderate. In general, she embarrasses you and makes you feel angry and uncomfortable. So I would ask you, in what ways are you like this woman? In what ways are you different? Is she holding up a mirror, saying you have to watch your behavior? Are you seemingly quiet and laid-back until your temper comes out? Or perhaps she is visiting you to try to teach you how to embody some more masculine qualities in your life, areas in which you are lacking — like speaking up for yourself more or taking charge. Things which may be uncomfortable for you.
Either way, she has something to teach you about yourself. Even though this dream encounter left you puzzled as she drove off in a huff with all the doors open, she says, “I thought you got everything you needed.” She was right in that respect. All the information you needed from her is in this dream. No need for a second date.
A word of advice, Nightmare: looking at our weaknesses and shortcomings is a difficult thing to do. But the more often we practice it, the more able we are to grow as people. Hey, and better to do it through the help of a dream than through a real-life disaster of some sort, right? What is this woman trying to tell you about yourself? She gave you what you needed; now it’s up to you to take some time to reflect and hopefully you’ll never have to suffer through another dinner with her again.
Have you had any crazy dreams lately? Dying to know what their hidden meaning is? No need to rush to your therapist’s office. The Dreamweaver is here to help. Email me your funniest, weirdest, wildest, and wackiest dreams and I’ll tell you what’s going on. In the meantime, find out what other common dreams mean by reading my past columns.