Tabloid Cheat Sheet: Sandra Bullock Was Preggers? Angelina Jolie’s After Vanessa Paradis?

There seems to be a massive fail in celebrity couplings lately, with actresses leaving their husbands and husbands collecting grody mistresses. But what will this mean for tabloid town? It’s gonna be a musical chairs of alleged lovers and wife-swapping, that’s what. It also means that the trashiest of journalistic endeavors have become approximately 42 percent more interesting. And because you only care just enough, we’ve saved you the time and money and read all the tabloids for you! And we’ll take those paper-cut penalties, just because we care.

  • Now that Kate Winslet is a single woman, the rumors are flying that she and Leonardo DiCaprio are secret lovers. A pal says, “They are basically family, there have been times when they’ve felt attracted to each other, but they always gravitate back to a brother-sister kind of dynamic.” Apparently things have changed since “Revolutionary Road,” and “the more she drifted from Sam [Mendes], the closer she got to Leo.” While she was still married, Kate started wearing an inscribed gold ring Leo gave her and even though Leo’s with Bar Rafaeli, his friends say he has more in common with Kate. According to an insider, “They even have the same goofy sense of humor. They just click.” Love this development … it’ll be like the Titanic never sank.
  • The only thing capable of diverting my attention from celebrity breakups is celebrity diets and OK! brings us “Bikini Body Countdown Diets That Work.” Since Britney Spears and Kim Kardashian made the cover, I guess they’re winning. Kim’s secrets include QuickTrim (shocker) and working out a lot. The rest of the actresses are either vegetarians or only eat salmon with veggies for every meal. Strangely, Britney’s “diet secrets” were mysteriously missing—probably because Cheetos and dancing for ten hours a day aren’t realistic for most people?
  • I never really believed that Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper were together since there are never pictures of them, but OK! finally caught them in matching shlubby outfits—with Brad ruffling Renee’s hair and their arms around each other. The two share homes in Los Angeles and New York, and Renee’s helping to decorate Bradley’s new digs, walks his dogs, gets his cars washed, and brings him Starbucks in the morning. Brad’s mom has already approved the union, so maybe there are wedding bells in their future? [OK!]

  • Us Weekly took the obvious route, putting Sandra Bullock on the cover and creating an eight-page story to cover details of her husband Jesse James’ affair with Michelle McGee. The tabloid revealed that McGee’s So Cal Glamour Girls profile is all fiction— instead of being a Mormon 24-year-old getting a Masters in bio-chemistry, McGee is a 32-year-old upper mid class girl who went to junior college and is of the belief that “you screw with me, I’ll screw with you.” Her ex-husband said that her W.P. tattoos do, in fact, stand for “white power.” Her son, Elijah, also happens to be Jewish. And while Jesse was having his affair, Sandra was handing out James’ t-shirts and stickers on the set of “The Blind Side.” Sad face.
  • It looks like “Dancing with the Stars” is going to have a dramatic year, or as Us Weekly puts it, “Let the Catfights Begin!” They made the spread as dramatic as possible, with blood-red, jagged-edged text boxes. Apparently, Shannen Doherty “hasn’t been a diva at all,” despite her reputation. ESPN host Erin Andrews is in it to win it, practicing four to five hours a day and saying, “my toes were bleeding today. It was awesome!” Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger is rumored to be fierce competition, but has apparently burst into tears more than once during rehearsal. Pamela Anderson is the most high-maintenance of the ladies and shares an ex-husband with Doherty. And Kate Gosselin is not making friends. According to a source, she’s “rubbing the rest of the cast the wrong way” thanks to her omnipresent bodyguard and momzilla attitude.
  • Elin Nordegren has been staying on Tiger’s appropriately named yacht, Privacy, in Palm Beach with the couple’s two children. A source said that Elin seemed relaxed on the $22 million yacht while she seems much more tense at home. Apparently, the recently released sexts were Elin’s impetus to move into the yacht. In a seemingly non sequitur sidebar, apparently Tiger Woods dated LeAnn Rimes a couple times until her dad nixed it because of the seven-year age difference. [Us Weekly]

  • For the first time ever, I’m going to say The National Enquirer is out of line … or at least the mag’s sources are jerks who’ve said Elin Woods is wearing a “chastity belt made of spikes” and will not be going to the Masters with Tiger. The source continued, “They are not living together as a couple. They are putting on a charade for the children.” Um, yeah, her husband just put his weinerschnitzel in a bevy of broads—of course she’s put an embargo on the goods!
  • The best friend of Jesse James’ alleged mistress Michelle McGee has come out saying that Jesse had told Michelle that he was already separated from Sandra Bullock when they met, and planned on going public after she’d finished filming her next movie. But when the time came and he did nothing, Michelle went public and made about $30,000. Which isn’t really that much in tabloid town.
  • In a fun turn of events, Angelina Jolie has laughed off rumors that she’s crushing on Johnny Depp. But apparently his girlfriend, Vanessa Paradis, isn’t exactly out of the woods. As a source said, “[Angelina] pointed out that while there’s no doubt he’s a great-looking guy, there’s nothing especially exciting about him—and she thinks his girlfriend is way hotter.” The old switcheroo! Who needs scandal when lady crushes are so much more interesting? [National Enquirer]

  • Hi, tabloids. You know Jesse James is the one who had the affair, right? So why are there solo photos of Sandra on every mag, like she’s the one who did something wrong? In another heart-wrenching installment of Sandra Bullock’s Marriage Dissolved, People talks about Sandy’s heartbreak and how her family meant everything to her. Jesse James is apparently related to the original Jess James and was once put in juvie for his “fondness for other people’s stuff,” according to the West Coast Choppers owner. The rest of the article exhibits the painful number of ways that Sandra Bullock has expressed her love for her husband.
  • Padma Lakshmi has apparently sparked some “Baby Daddy Drama,” since she refused to name her baby daddy until recently. It is, apparently, venture capitalist Adam Dell, who she had an on-again, off-again relationship with up until several months ago. But there’s also Padma’s ex, IMG Chairman Teddy Forstmann, who is 70 years old and was in the delivery room when Krishna was born. Meanwhile, Padma could give a crap about the men. She’s madly in love with her new daughter, saying, “Your heart just explodes with love; it’s a burst of joy!”
  • With Miley Cyrus’ new movie “The Last Song” coming out, the actress/singer talked to People about living on her own, dating her costar, and leaving “Hanna Montana” behind. The more grown-up role was written for Cyrus by Nicholas Sparks and introduced her to her new beau, Australian actor Liam Hemsworth. Miley gushed about how “stoked” she was to be free from paparazzi for a few months while filming in Georgia and said of falling for her co-star, “I’m not, like, mushy. I was pretty much like, ‘I’m going to die alone!’ Liam was the first person that made me want to be in a real relationship.” The 17-year-old is currently reconstructing her new house but despite the increased responsibility says, “I don’t care if I’m, like, 100. I just want to have a good time and laugh and giggle. I don’t take this life too seriously. [People]

  • Star drops the first real bombshell, saying that Sandra Bullock was pregnant with Jesse’s baby and introducing a new mistress. But the story goes on to say that Sandra was trying to get pregnant, up until she found out about the cheating, but has also suffered two miscarriages during their five-year marriage. An insider says, “Having a baby with the man she loved so much was the most important thing in the world to Sandra and for him to take that dream away is just the ultimate betrayal, maybe even worse than the cheating. With all that’s going on, she could even be pregnant right now!” Meanwhile, the West Coast Choppers crew has confirmed that “sexy, big-busted tattooed women were regularly escorted to his office,” and “he was always looking for girls on MySpace.” The other woman who’s come forward, Melissa Smith, says she went to his office and had unprotected sex with him on the couch. They repeated that scenario every two months or so. The tattooed stripper offered this advice:, “I hope she doesn’t go back to him, once a cheater, always a cheater.”
  • Reggie Bush is allegedly being unfaithful to Kim Kardashian again. The tabloid caught January Gessert, a blonde with confusing hair, leaving his $4.7 million Hollywood Hills home. An eye-witness says she stayed all night and had told a friend that she would be seeing Reggie but told Star, “I have nothing to say,” only admitting she’d been to Reggie’s home and knew his friend. Kim is in Miami with her sisters, filming their reality series while Reggie’s been flirting with women on both coasts. A friend says that this will be the last straw for Kim, who’s been “putting on a happy face and dealing with it.” Doesn’t this guy realize that Kim is sooo much hotter than these women?
  • Just in case we thought the Angelina and Johnny Depp drama was behind us, Star says that Angie has been humiliated by Johnny’s rejections. Apparently, when Angie was supposed to give Depp a peck in one scene, she instead slipped him some tongue which “totally freaked Johnny out and he drew away, but Angie just gave him a naughty smile.” The actress has also been accused of walking around in thin robes with nothing underneath, standing too close to Depp, and brushing crumbs off his beard. Some of Depp’s reactions have included leaving the room, getting awkward, and turning down her dinner invites. A source says, “There might be chemistry there, but he’s trying to get her to cool it, without much luck … now Angie is really pouring on the heat, because she’s not used to being ignored.” [Star]