“Shortcuts” is a new feature of “Dear Wendy” in which I answer readers’ letters in two sentences or less because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Here we go with round two:
After many years of friendship, a friend and I had a falling out shortly after I got married last May. There were many issues that needed to be resolved in order to rectify our friendship. I sent her an e-mail expressing my concerns and even offered to fix the issues that we had in the friendship. She ignored my email and chose to not contact me again, with no “true” closure between us. We haven’t spoken in many months and while I’m not overly excited to contact her again (after all, she chose not to respond to the e-mail I sent), I did some Facebook “research” and discovered she still has herself tagged in some of my wedding photos. Personally, I would remove the tags on the photos and move forward in life, so I’m wondering if it’s possible she is trying to remember “the good ol’ days” of our friendship or could possibly be seeking to re-connect with me at a more appropriate time later in our lives? Should I hold out any hope that she could return at some point? — Former Friend
I wouldn’t read too much into the fact that she failed to un-tag some photos on Facebook, but if you miss her that much, suck it up, sincerely apologize for whatever part of the fall-out you were responsible for and tell your friend you miss her and would love to re-connect again some time if she’s up for it. If you’re truly up for a reconciliation, you have to genuinely be willing to forgive whatever part of the fall-out she was responsible for (even if she doesn’t give the apology you might hope for), otherwise I’d hold off on contacting her just yet.
My parents got divorced when I was 10 years old and my dad got remarried soon afterward. My mom dated lots of guys and got married two years ago while I was in college. My mom’s really sweet and never mean but also kind of naive and innocent. I hate her new husband. He treats her really badly, says mean things to her all the time, puts her down, and expects her to be his maid. I spent the last weekend with them on vacation; at one point he was so upset that she had not packed everything on his long list of groceries and clothes that he yelled at her because “he could never count on her because she never does anything right.” My mom hated being single and I suppose would rather be married to this jerk than be alone. I have avoided staying at her house and seeing her very often in the past few years because I have been avoiding her husband, but I really miss her sometimes. She’s an adult and can make her own stupid life decisions… right? — The Daughter
Tell your mom that while you respect her right to make decisions for herself, you love and care for her too much to stand by and watch the disrespectful, hateful way her husband treats her. In that vein, you’d prefer to spend time with her and could she please make more visits to you where you can have lots of quality one-on-one time together.
I’m currently seven months preggo and things are very cold [between] my man and me. First of all, things went down last April, when it was the one-year anniversary of my mom’s death. I lost interest in sex and right away he thought I was with someone else even though I told him I was just depressed. Anyhow, he is very sexual, so therefore, at times I would do it, even if I was not feeling it. Now I’m 7 months and he feels the baby is not his. We got into a big argument one night and he left and was out till 3 in the morning drinking. He has started drinking a lot more lately and has put a lock on his phone because he feels he needs his privacy. He doesn’t call me like he use to when at work and he barely speaks to me anymore. He said I do the same, which s not true. The other day I found three condoms — we don’t use condoms and I can’t recall the last time we had sex. My gut feeling tells me there is someone else. I’ve asked him and he said if there was I would not be here now. I know I shouldn’t be stressing due to my baby, but I’m really stressed out. — Pregnant and Scared
This no-good, cheating, lying loser is a detriment to not only your emotional well-being, but that of your unborn child. Dump him and surround yourself with friends and family who can give you the support, love and encouragement you desperately need right now.
*Do you have a relationship/dating question I can help with? Send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.