In my defense: I was mildly intoxicated when I bought them.
Following Lindsay Lohan‘s foray into the world of fashion glasses, I decided I should give it a shot myself. After all, when trying on my friends’ specs for fun, I’ve always been told they don’t look half bad on me. So when I stumbled into Urban Outfitters the other day, I thought, “If Lilo can do it, so can I.” Of course, it wasn’t until later that I realized that Linds can get away with anything and wear whatever the f**k she wants because she is: A) crazy and B) famous. I am neither (let’s hope), so as I stared at my new nerdtastic look in the mirror, I could only imagine the following reaction from people:“Leo, I didn’t know you wore glasses.”
“I don’t. They’re fake.”
“So why are you wearing fake glasses?”
And then what? Explain that they make me feel hot? I couldn’t imagine ever feeling hot while simultaneously getting called out for being a hypocrite.
In truth, the anxiety actually made me more curious. So on the glasses went as I bopped around my apartment picking out shoes and primping for the evening out.
Maybe it was the pre-party glass of wine I’d had back home, or Owl City’s “Firefly,” playing on my iPod (a song I’ve just discovered and am a bit ashamed to say I like to listen to on repeat), but as I walked toward the restaurant where I was meeting friends, I actually found myself strutting. Hey! I did feel hot! I was well aware of the fact that I might actually look weird, but I didn’t care. I started to use my boldness to make eye contact with the strangers I passed—something I never, ever do. I discovered that when you do this with confidence, it makes you feel pretty powerful. I’ve always been on the other side of a stare, feeling vulnerable and ashamed for looking at someone too intently.
When I finally met up with my friends, there was little surprise: “They’re cute … just kind of different. I don’t know. They’re not really my style, but you can pull it off.” I wasn’t entirely convinced they were being truthful.
The glasses didn’t stay on for much longer that evening, but not because of any appearance issues. I found myself squinting at the menu, and annoyed by the pinching sensation near my temples. Taking them off after an hour or so felt like waking up—everything was so clear. I began to realize: Wear the fakes often enough, and you might find yourself stuck with the real deal.