Dating Amelia: Rewriting My Online Dating Profile

Last week I complained about the challenging time I was having on my latest foray into online dating. A little while later, Susannah IM’d to say: “You need to change your profile. And I am going to do it for you.” Oh, hooray! To be honest, I had been considering having someone I trust rewrite my profile for me, since I wasn’t sure if I was doing a great job of “selling” myself. Susannah was the first to volunteer, and, as she is rather blunt, I knew she wouldn’t pussyfoot around doing it right. After the jump, read my original online dating profile and then check out Susannah’s version. Stay tuned to see whether my luck with the fellas improves after being Susannified. AMELIA’S DATING PROFILE BEFORE:

I am sunny, flexible, and hungry.

My Self-Summary
I like Summer, soap operas, get-rich-quick-schemes, peonies, 30-Minute Meals, nude nails, Obama 2008, medium/dark skin, stilettos, fishing, Page Six, feminism, rollercoasters, foot rubs, red wine, mood lighting, broccoli rabe, Italy, big roomy hobo bags, Augusten Burroughs, Marie Antoinette, Royals in general, sudoku, stinky cheese, Vermeer paintings, coral, the crossword, sex education, Harry Potter, bagels with cream cheese, the Renaissance, Trader Joes, yoga, trashy novels, Target, balmy weather, things that are Euro, golf, black and white photography, surrealism, rainy Saturdays, sunny Sundays, the ballet, Paris, salami, Mac N Cheese, the J. Crew catalog, waking up early, The Secret, and Lucca..

What I’m doing with my life
I edit a website, ride my bike, do bikram yoga, hang out with my dog, and dream about my next surf trip.

I’m really good at
Backbends, eating, drinking wine, writing on the internet, listening, and cuddling.

The first things people usually notice about me
Oh gosh. I don’t know. My dog, if she’s with me, probably.

My favorite books, movies, music, and food

Books: Franny and Zooey, The Virgin Suicides, Gone with the Wind, New York Magazine, all David Sedaris, all Augusten Burroughs, Jaqueline Susann, trashy historical fiction, Lucky and Domino magazines, books about fabulous people who are rich and cruel or slutty and depraved (ex.: Anna Wintour and Jenna Jameson). Also, unashamedly addicted to gossip magazines.

Movies: Stealing Beauty, Y Tu Mama Tambien, Lost In Translation, Little Miss Sunshine, Waitress, The Virgin Suicides, Secretary, The Godfather I and II, Fast Times, the Ryan Gosling and Joseph Gordon Levitt repetoire..

TV Shows: Mad Men, True Blood, Discovery Health, Hoarders.

Music: Julian Casablancas, Johnny Cash, Beach House, Ebony Bones, Patsy Cline, Dolly Parton, J. Timberlake, Van Morrison, Smokey Robinson, Nina Simone, 2Pac, Pearl Jam, Morphine, Tribe Called Quest, anything and everything on Hot 97, classical, Christmas carols.

The six things I could never do without
My dog, wine, nail polish, my laptop, hot sauce, and scrabble.

I spend a lot of time thinking about
Writing, work, my next vacation, you know, THE WORLD. Oh and what I am going to eat next.

On a typical Friday night I am
Going out to dinner, seeing a band play, drinking wine at home, cuddling my dog, rocking out super hard.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit here
I don’t wear a helmet when I ride my bike.

You should message me if
You’re not stuck in an emotional wheelchair.

AMELIA’S DATING PROFILE AFTER:

I’m crazy, sexy, and cool.

My Self-Summary
I’m the lead editor of a popular website for women, and I love what I do. Now, I’m looking for someone to have some fun with — is that you? I like rollercoasters, Marie Antoinette, and sudoku. I’m smart, funny, ambitious, and I make a mean pollo al diabolo. If you’re looking for me, you might find me walking my dog Lucca, out on the weekends checking out bands to write about, or shopping for a new pair of high heels with my girls. I’m into surrealism, hanging out on rainy Saturdays, and wandering around the streets of Paris. You’re intelligent, driven, successful, and brave. I’m looking for a man — not a boy. In a nutshell, I’m a great girl looking for a great guy. Are you him? If you are, drop me a line, and let’s get this going.

What I’m doing with my life
Climbing to the top as fast as I can.

I’m really good at
Yoga.

The first things people usually notice about me
My laugh.

My favorite books, movies, music, and food

Books: The last thing I read was Jenna Jameson’s memoir. I learned a lot. I think.

Movies: “Lost In Translation,” “Secretary, “The Godfather.”

TV Shows: “Mad Men” and “True Blood.”

Music: Johnny Cash, Nina Simone, A Tribe Called Quest.

The six things I could never do without
Surfing in Costa Rica, my dog, this city, the summer, Dolly Parton, my life.

I spend a lot of time thinking about
My next date.

On a typical Friday night I am
Out having fun with my friends, listening to music, eating awesome food.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit here
Get to know me better, and I’ll tell you everything.

You should message me if
You’re smart, awesome, cool, and looking for the same.

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