After almost two months of not seeing the sun and living through constantly overcast skies, things are finally starting to brighten up here in Paris, and it’s made a crazy difference in my life. I’m seriously considering relocating during the winter months to a warmer climate—this year taught me a crazy lesson in seasonal depression.
Maybe it was daylight savings time this weekend (NOTE—Oops, it took me a while to figure out that DST doesn’t happen here until next week. I was off by an hour for a whole day!), but all of a sudden I feel like things are moving really quickly, almost in such a way that I feel like I’m already at the finish line (wherever that may be) looking back. This past week went by in a flash. My parents were in town, which meant living on an intense tourist schedule, ushering them around the Louvre and through the crowded streets of Montmartre, plus getting us to London for the weekend and back. Exhausting! This visit was weird because it was really the first time I’d ever hosted my parents and been living in a world that was entirely different from theirs …I can’t count college visits because I was still supported by them then, and after school we both lived in the same city. It was a real eye opener to realize that here in Paris everything was my own doing, that I didn’t owe them anything anymore, and that everything they were coming into was a product of my own effort and creation. It felt pretty powerful, but scary at the same time, as if I might wake up from a dream and realize that this had never happened and I’m still broke and living at home.
Despite my nearly 24/7 power schedule with the rents, I did manage to sneak off for dinner one night with Pierre. In the days since I hadn’t heard from him after our first “date,” I started building up a lot of anxiety about what would come next. In an effort to cut that anxiety short, I took the lead, and texted him to see if he wanted to do something at some point, to which he plainly suggested we get dinner on Thursday. In the lead-up to our date, I started to get the feeling that Pierre was entirely un-enthused, and I began kicking myself for getting into what seemed like an inevitably awkward situation. I felt like I had almost pushed him into the plans, but a male friend assured me, “Don’t worry, guys don’t do stuff they don’t want to do.” He had a point. So even though I nearly bailed, I forced myself to go into the evening with an open mind.
I’m glad I did because the date went surprisingly well. He’s good at conversation, picking up on silences, and asking engaging questions. Afterward, he walked me to the metro, even though it was 15 minutes out of his way. After a kiss, we did the awkward dance of, “So … I had a nice time … when are you around?” I let him know that I was almost completely free during the weekend (except for Friday when I would be in London for the day). He responded with the usual vagaries: “OK, so maybe Saturday, or Sunday, or next week?”
I was confident in the few hours after our date. It had just felt successful, and like there was definitely some potential in the air. But with a complete radio silence since then, I’ve gotten the feeling that this might not be anything big. I just think I’d know—especially from a French guy—if he was really, really into me. Just like how Mr. Cupid would check in every two days or so with a neutral or sweet text or email. I’m not getting the same vibes. Then again, all guys are different, so who knows.
At the moment, I’ve realized that I have other things to keep me occupied. Like I said, time feels like it’s moving so quickly now. As far as I’m concerned, March feels practically over. The week with the parents happened in the blink of an eye, and now I’ve realized that next week I’m off to Israel for the rest of the month. I’m looking forward to recharging on this trip, and returning to France in what will be perfect timing—April in Paris. I have a feeling that spring will hold a lot of good surprises for me. Or at least, I’ll be checking in obsessively with Kiki T to see if the stars hopefully have something great in line for me.