Shun, Shag, Or Marry: The Real Husbands of Orange County

It’s not easy being a real husband of Orange County. Not only do they have to maintain the lifestyles of their image-obsessed wives, they have to do it on national television. Let’s take a look at which one we’d shun, shag, and marry.

  • SHUN: Jim Bellino

    Alexis and Jim Bellino joined the cast in the last season with their three children. And I don’t know what it is, but I don’t like them one bit. They go to one of those churches that looks like an indoor rave and where the preacher says stuff like, “Don’t cry into your Starbucks.” Not kidding. Alexis spends several hours a day tending to her appearance while Jim is apparently a house flipper/pawnbroker. And when they’re together, there’s this creepy condescending Stepford wife dynamic. During one dinner Jim told Alexis, “I’d never let you go to Greece by yourself,” and the “let you” part seemed pretty telling. Jim’s controlling and Alexis doesn’t really make sense. And, apparently, Jim was indicted by the Feds in 2000 for selling counterfeit autographed sports memorabilia. [RealityTea]
  • SHAG: Simon Barney
    I think I actually like Simon, even though everyone else seems to hate him. But “Real Housewives of Orange County” is kind of like the Twilight Zone, where everyone is on one side but it’s not necessarily the side you want to be on. Tamra Barney is getting a divorce from Simon because he’s controlling, and now she’s accused him of being a deadbeat dad (on her Facebook). But her son also stole his car and then bad-mouthed him publicly (on his Facebook). Not only do I not find Facebook to be a reliable source for information, but in the few episodes that I’ve seen, Simon seems super calm and rational. And also kind of hot. So, regardless of how bad it is being married to the guy, I think I’d let him control me in the bedroom.
  • MARRY: Donn Gunvalson
    Donn just seems like a really sweet, slightly confused man who loves his wife. Vicki might be out of control, making out with college boys and buying a million-dollar yacht. Vicki is the dominant force of her family and makes her own money. Donn indulges her but when she goes for the yacht, he asks, “When is it ever enough?” To which she replies, “It’s never enough.” He’s very patient with his rambunctious wife, and though he’s not particularly sexy, he’s kind of a darling. And you don’t have to worry about what he’ll look like when he gets old … because he’s kind of already there.