You May Be A Female Player If …

My boy bestie, our own Mind of Man John DeVore, wrote a hilarious piece for called “You Might Be A Player If …” directed at dudes. Like:

You might be a player if … you own as much leather as you do denim. And you wear your sunglasses on your head like a tiara.

You might be a player if … you buy condoms by the spool.

You might be a player if … if you think oral is first base.

Check out his entire list here. But I think we all know that women can be players too. How to tell? Ladies, you may be a player if …

  • You keep a few condoms in every purse.
  • You wear sexy lingerie every day ‘cause, hey, who knows?
  • You go to a sex toy party and there’s no product you don’t already own.
  • Friends seem to think you’re a “sure thing” for their single guy friends looking for some action.
  • You’ve got stretch marks … around your mouth.
  • You’ve ruined at least three different pieces of clothing with spooge stains.
  • You’ve forgotten how to walk in flats.
  • You have to keep a record of who you slept with on which day or hour in case a baby or STD should pop up.
  • You’ve had an ex help you shop for a current guy.
  • None of the women you know will leave their man alone with you.
  • More than five men have kept your panties as mementos.
  • Your reputation precedes you.
  • You’ve made out with more than one dude in one night.
  • You’ve slept with more than one dude in one weekend.
  • Your numbers are higher than his.
  • You get bored during one-night stands.
  • You hit on a guy and then realize you already slept with him.
  • You and your gyno are on a first name basis.
  • The doorman won’t let you up in da club anymore.
  • You’ve run out of cheeky nicknames for your various bedmates.
  • You keep a razor and travel-sized shaving cream in your purse so you can groom your pubes anywhere, anytime, ’cause you never know!
  • You’re currently shagging two Canadians named Ryan.
  • Your vagina has its own voicemail.
  • You’ve gone ahead and gotten a plastic sheet for your bed.
  • You’ve had more abortions than Octomom’s had babies.
  • Searching through is like taking a walk down hook-up memory lane.
  • You find a pair of men’s underwear in the dryer and think, “Well, these could be anybody’s … “
  • You’ve been the guest star in more than one threesome.
  • You already own all the products in our little black books and cute condom carriers slideshows.
  • You can tell if a guy is circumcised when his clothes are still on.