Dating Amelia: Trying To Find Love Online Can Be A Real Downer

Allow me to be neurotic for a few hundred words.

I’ve been back on the online dating circuit for a grand total of 4.5 days and I already hate it. The whole process, frankly, kind of hurts my self-esteem. It makes me feel like the last kid picked in dodgeball. The site that I’m using affords you the opportunity to know who’s been looking at your profile. On one hand, it’s a great way of weeding through the hundreds of “matches” in my area, so I can focus on the men who found my thumbnail photo cute enough to deem worthy of further review. On the other hand, those same men, upon clicking deeper into my profile, did not have their interest piqued enough to send me a message, add me to their “like” list, or grant me a “wink.” For the record, I definitely don’t expect dudes to do all the work here — I’m not just staring at my laptop screen, twiddling my thumbs as I wait for some nice fella to extend his virtual hand. No, no. I am … say it with me now! … putting myself out there. I have been using up my daily “wink” allotment! When I “save/like” someone’s profile, I give the site permission to let the dude know that I’ve found him cute/funny/interesting enough to put on my short list. The first day I was on the site I came across someone I already had a crush on in real life and sent him a message asking him for a drink. Chances are good I’ll do this again with someone else. I definitely do not expect the dude to do all the work. But can’t a girl get a little somethin’ in return?

So I’ve been going through my list of dudes who’ve checked me out, some of whom were cute/funny/interesting enough in their profile that I gave them one of my precious winks. Yet they haven’t opted to wink back, or add me to their saved list, let alone message me. Not to get all woe is me, but I’m kind of bumming about it. Is my profile lacking? Are my pictures not, I don’t know … sexy enough? I have a variety of photos in there, none of which violate common online dating profile photo rules: I’m not boozing, I’m not photographed with a dude or a child or even my dog. And I’m definitely not giving duck lips.

The other day I considered doing a post on the fact that guys rarely just ask women out anymore. As evidence, I asked a bunch of friends and other Frisky staff members when was the last time a dude asked them out, expecting a lot of answers like, “Oh god, I can hardly remember? Sometime in 1998?” Instead, I got responses like, “Oh last week! We’re going out tomorrow!” and “Last night actually…” forcing me to conclude that men are asking women out, they’re just not asking me out.

Yes, it’s only been a few days. But usually the first couple days on a site like this are the most active because your profile is newly added and thus near the top of the pile. I’m also making sure it doesn’t sink to the bottom of the pack too quickly by updating it or answering the site’s dumb survey questions which makes it easier for them to match me. I’m in it to win it, people. But so far all I’m getting is a headache and a bruised ego.

Frisky readers, do you share my frustration with online dating — hell, dating in general? Hook a girl up with some sympathetic comments!

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