8 Plastic Surgeries That Should Be Made Illegal

It’s nuts what people will do to look good, but sometimes it’s even weirder what people think looks good to begin with. And with plastic surgery addiction becoming a growing problem, these people need to be stopped. Starting with ear pointing. I’m down with a sexy elf just as much as the next girl, but there are prosthetic ears that look pretty real. It’s not really necessary to have the top of your ear sliced and sutured together. Give it 50 years and see how you feel about being a withered old elf, OK? [BMEZine]

Here are 7 other plastic surgeries we think should be made illegal.

  1. Leg-lengthening surgery can add three inches to your height. And all it takes is breaking your leg bones in four places, attaching steel scaffolding to the outside of your legs with metal pins sticking into your bones that you get to screw every day for months—pulling your bones apart one millimeter at a time—and risking infection! Oh, and it costs $120,000 and insurance doesn’t cover it! The procedure was originally created to fix developmental deformities but now it’s often used for cosmetic reasons, for those who would like to be slightly taller. Why don’t we just bring glam rock back, so everyone can wear platforms again? It’s way sexier than leg screws. [ABC News]
  2. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side of the street. While Americans are lasering, waxing, and wishing away their pubic hair, in countries like Italy and South Korea, some women are having hair implanted into their pubic area! Apparently, a hairy bush is thought to be a sign of fertility. Why don’t we just save a couple steps and do a vagina exchange program with women who can’t grow hair down there. [DocShop]
  3. The Chugay Tongue Patch is one of the scariest weight-loss procedures ever, where a stamp-sized piece of mesh is surgically implanted into the tongue so that only liquids can be consumed for a month until the patch is removed and you’re 15 to 30 pounds lighter. I guess wiring your jaw shut got old when people realized having a wired mouth was scarier than being chubby? Well, a mesh tongue sounds pretty scary too! [Cracked]
  4. I know weirdos are supposed to support other weirdos, but I can’t stand behind horn implants. There’s a reason people weren’t born with horns—it’s because we look really stupid in them. Teflon “horn bumps” have to be subdermally inserted into the forehead and can be upgraded to larger ones when the skin can stretch again. The teflon implants are also popular in other parts of the body; for example, they are used in penis bead implantation, which, not to sound like a sex fiend, at least serves a purpose. [BMEZine]
  5. The one part of my body I never wished was bigger is my calves, but, apparently, some people are concerned about their chicken or bowed legs and want more shapely, sculpted calves. For this surgery, implants are inserted over the calf muscle to give the appearance of more athletic legs. It’s popular with body-builder types who can’t get their legs as big as their massive “guns.” Have you ever looked at a guy and said, ‘Boy, those are some nice calves’? Yeah, I didn’t think so. [BeautifulFigure.com]
  6. And just in case it’s not enough for you to be pretty, now you can get your ugly mutt plastic surgery too! That’s right, people actually get pet plastic surgery like doggy face lifts, making protruding ears droopy, making bent ears straight, fixing inverted eyelashes with Botox, and doing doggy mammoplasty for show dogs who need to tuck in their teats. So much for envying a dog’s life. [Oddee.Com]
  7. Because color contacts are such a hassle to take out and put back in, now you can get iris implants to permanently change the color of your eyes! They’re called NewColorIris (not too original, huh?) and are intra-ocular implants that were originally made for those with eye problems, like albino hypersensitivity to light. Now, the implants are mostly used for people who want to turn their brown eyes blue … while severely risking their eyesight. But at least you can be blue-eyed and blind? [NewColorIris]