Dear Wendy: “Should I Tell My Boyfriend I May Be Pregnant?”
I am a 20-year-old college student who is in a really strong relationship with a great guy. Lately I have been feeling extra tired, extra hungry, and my boobs have been extra sensitive. I feel like there is a chance that I’m pregnant, but it is definitely too soon to tell. My inner feminist is telling me to let him know, because it takes two to get pregnant, and I shouldn’t go through this alone. Another part of me says that I should suffer in silence rather than cause potentially unwarranted chaos, and wait until I know for sure. What do you think? — Possibly Preggers
Is it your inner feminist who’s nudging you to tell your boyfriend there’s a chance you’re preggers, or your inner drama-queen? I ask because if women warned their boyfriends they might be knocked up every time they felt tired, hungry, and tender-boobed, a whole lotta people would be having a whole lotta unnecessary anxiety at least once a month. The symptoms you’re describing could easily be attributed to PMS among other things, and if you’re saying it’s “definitely to soon to tell” if you’re pregnant, I’m guessing your period isn’t late yet, which means, hey, you might be about to start! Unless you’re a couple days late, there’s no reason — other than creating drama and seeking attention — to freak out your boyfriend with the “possibility” you might be pregnant simply because you’re experiencing symptoms common to a variety of issues. Don’t get me wrong — I’m all for sharing the burden of pregnancy anxiety, but the reality is if your period isn’t late yet, you’re jumping the gun a little bit on your worrying.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about seven months. Between his place and mine, we generally have three or four “sleepovers” a week. I put a toothbrush in his bathroom pretty early on (per his suggestion) and shortly after decided to keep a pair of cozy pajama pants in his closet. One day I found myself complaining to my sister about how I’m not ever able to shower and get ready for work at his place (or shower there on the weekends either), because there’s no hairdryer. She suggested that I buy another and keep it there. The idea kind of made me nervous and weirded me out! I don’t like the idea of keeping lots of things there — especially “girly” things — but I’m not sure exactly what the reasons are… I guess I don’t want him or his roommate to feel like I’m a constant presence or that I’m invading their space. I want to respect boundaries, but at the same time I realize it’s just a hairdryer, which wouldn’t take up much room and would be really convenient to have around. Anyway, my question is: how much STUFF is okay to keep at your guy’s place and what exactly would be crossing the line? — Trying To Respect Boundaries
I commend you for being concerned with not only respecting your boyfriend’s boundaries, but those of his roommate’s as well. So often couples sort of set up shop in each other’s apartments without any regard to the other people living there. You don’t pay rent at your boyfriend’s place, so it would be inappropriate if you basically moved in and spent every night there. But I don’t see anything wrong with spending a night or two a week there and having some drawer or closet space to stash your hairdryer and maybe some clean undies and a few toiletries. But before you start moving over half your wardrobe, definitely ask your boyfriend how he’d feel about you keeping a few things at his place.
Approach the topic by offering him some space at your place. Can you carve some room in a drawer for him? Then let him know you are by no means suggesting you move in with each other just yet, but simply thinking in terms of convenience since you spend a few nights a week at each other’s apartments. Use the opportunity to check-in with him on how the roomie may be feeling. Also, do you have a roommate? If so, this would probably be a good time to check in with her (or him?) as well and make sure your boyfriend’s presence isn’t inconveniencing her too much. If you live alone, consider having the majority of your “sleepovers” at your place where no one else’s privacy is compromised.
*Do you have a relationship/dating question I can help with? Send me your letters at email@example.com.