How To Dress Like An Old-School Cheerleader

In a fitting homage to the ladies whose bouncing about has kept the man folk entertained between tackles for the past 76 years, has named NFL cheerleaders as beauty icons to be emulated. Things have certainly changed since they were allowed onto the field in 1923, over time replacing men who wielded pom poms (but certainly had less cleavage). Because boobs are made for bouncing, we’ll tell you how to keep it real like a cheerleader after the jump. (Ha ha, just kidding, sort of.) []

  • Buy shorter shorts. Or, better yet, skip bottoms altogether in favor of a leotard because one thing’s for sure: cheerleaders were going pantsless long before Lady Gaga.
  • If it’s not made of spandex, covered in sparkles, and possibly fringed, you best burn it. Synthetics are your stretchy new friends.
  • Get. Bigger. Hair. That way, even if you pull off the look before you learn the moves, you can distract with hairography.
  • Boobs. If you don’t have them, improvise. We suggest the chicken cutlet method for maximum bounce on impact.
  • Start buying body glitter in bulk, at least until you get engaged to someone rich enough to give you a ring to replace that massive shine.