11 New Terms For Giving Him A “Hand”

It seems that women are genuinely shocked that men enjoy genital stimulation via your lovely mitts. But it’s true. They were hot in your parents’ basement when we were teens, and they’re hot now.

But maybe the problem is our terminology. A “blow job” sounds fun. Playful. Kind of like a Blow Pop. But a “hand job” sounds like construction work.

Words are power. Here are 11 alternative names for an erotic activity that is definitely hands-on.

  1. French Handshake
  2. Tug-of-Love
  3. Disciplining the Octopus
  4. The Naughtiest Squeeze
  5. Fist Pump
  6. Five Fingers of Fury
  7. Making Toothpaste
  8. Knuckle Shuffle
  9. Amish Birth Control
  10. Zipper Spelunking
  11. The Grip of Awesome

Practice makes perfect. Feel free to start using these terms in a sentence in the comments section.