So the guy I’m dating DOES NOT LIKE ORAL SEX. Like, he does not like giving or receiving, and in the month we’ve been dating hasn’t let me go down on him even ONCE. He says it is something he can open up on in a relationship, though it’s just not one of his favorite things on the sexual menu, but that he considers it much more intimate than intercourse so isn’t down to go there yet. Have you ever heard of a guy not liking getting blowies? Is he a total freak? And if not, any ideas on how I can get him comfortable enough to at least give it a go? It feels weird to me to be sleeping with someone and have this whole sexual arena that’s off limits. And, please, oral sex is the best. – Oral-less in Oregon
Quelle horror your man doesn’t like a hummer! I dated a guy like that once. (So did Dater X!) When it came to oral, he was willing to give, but he wasn’t that into receiving. What a waste! The good news is that your man isn’t allergic to the prospect. You’ve only been dating a month, and he says, for him, oral sex is more intimate than having intercourse, so, in all likelihood, if your relationship proceeds towards greater intimacy, you’re oral activities will increase, too. Give him some time, and he may find his own way downstairs.
That said, if it’s not happening, and oral is your dealbreaker, or something you can’t live without, you may feel the need to take action. I turned to oral sex expert and author of The Going Down Guide: Tongue Tips and Oral Sex Techniques for Men and Women, Emily Dubberley, for some advice. “Your man is just a bit old-fashioned, and that’s no bad thing,” Dubberley advises. After all, what we’re talking about here is trust — trust and a penis. “He wants to get to know you before he’s ready to trust his family jewels that near your teeth.” If you can reassure him that you won’t be performing a reenactment of “Jaws” on his wang, he may entrust you with it.
There could be other factors at work. Dubberly wonders: “Maybe he feels selfish lying back and enjoying himself without stimulating you, in which case 69 may be an option.” Could he be self-conscious? “Perhaps he’s nervous that he smells or tastes bad, in which case showering together could lead him to feel more comfortable (and pineapple juice can make him taste sweeter).” Did another girl do him wrong? “It could even be that he’s had bad experiences before, which is why he’s wary, and once he feels your expert ministrations, he’ll become addicted to oral!” The key here? Communication. If you’re going to sort this one out in a way that results in mutual satisfaction — mental and physical — you’re going to have to do more than grin and bear it.
Send your sex questions to firstname.lastname@example.org!